Fears Resolved
by gremlin2318
Summary: This will be a multi-chapter story about some of the conversations I wish we could see between Kensi and Deeks. As the title says they will have to resolve some of the fears they have in order to finally be together. The story begins with some add-on conversations to episodes at the end of season 5 and will continue on into Kensi and Deeks getting together.
1. Tomorrow Partner

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 1: **Tomorrow Partner

**Rating: **T for language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters

**Summary: **This is an add-on scene to 5x22.

* * *

**Tomorrow Partner**

"This is weird," Deeks comments as he glances over to where Granger is ordering a round of beers at the bar. "Why do you think he wants to hang out with us?"

"I don't know. Just because I spent four months with him doesn't mean I know his every thought and feeling," Kensi replies sounding a bit annoyed. She sounds annoyed because she is annoyed. With Granger there she feels like she has to be careful about what she does and says. She wants to just hang out with Deeks and be able to talk freely, and maybe even find out a little more about why he is backpedaling with their thing.

"I think he knows we have a… you know…"

Oh god, Kensi thinks, he really has taken a step back if he can't even call it, their thing. "Yeah, I think he knows too. I also think Hetty knows, and Callen, and Sam, and Eric, and Nell, and I really don't give a damn. It's none of their damn business." She is so tired of everyone and everything getting in the way of their thing.

"Are you mad at me or Het…?" He has to abort mid-question as Granger arrives back at the table.

They talk work, baseball, and upcoming plans around LA. Their beers disappear quickly once they begin struggling to come up with discussion topics. Granger offers to buy the second round and heads back to the bar.

"Text Nell and Eric and tell them to get their asses over here," Kensi instructs before making her way to the restroom. She needs reinforcements. It's way too awkward with just Granger, Deeks, and herself.

Kensi returns from the restroom and doesn't think anything of placing one hand on Deeks's knee and one on the table as she scoots onto the stool at the high table they occupy at the bar.

"Ah hem," Deeks clears his throat, glancing down to where her hand lingers wondering if she knows what she is doing to him today.

Kensi does know what she is doing and she is enjoying it. Amused by how flustered he got about the kiss on the cheek earlier, she slowly walks her fingers up his thigh. "Maybe I am just showing my appreciation to the man who saved my life today." She knows what she wants now. She also knows that Deeks is freaked out about their thing now. While she will be patient just as he was with her, she is not above using her assets and charms to get him back on board with their thing. She also doesn't mind making him as frustrated as he's making her.

"Okay," he chuckles as he grabs her devilish, slim fingers and slides off his stool to help Granger at the bar with their second round of beers. He gently releases her hand back into her own lap as he moves past her murmuring in her ear, "I'm curious to see what happens after the second beer."

She flashes him a smile and raises her eyebrows as she quips, "Lucky for you we have a chaperone."

As Deeks helps Granger with the beers he silently agrees that it is a good thing they are not alone tonight. His heart and body want Kensi desperately, but his head is still having a hard time with how to make this work.

Nell and Eric leave them high and dry, so Kensi and Deeks make excuses about being tired and call it a night after two drinks.

"You good to drive?" Deeks teases walking Kensi to her car.

"Haha, sure tease the girl whose only drink in the last 5 months was the glass of wine after the last case."

"Should we talk about Afghanistan?" Deeks asks since she has brought it up in a roundabout way. He has a feeling that even though she is doing well, Kensi still has to work through some of the things that happened in Afghanistan.

"I don't know, should we?" she counters, knowing that something happened while she was there, or while they were both there that has made him fearful of going forward with their thing.

His silence tells her he isn't ready. And the truth is that as much as she wants to, she isn't sure she is ready to hash it all out either. "It's okay," she tells him sincerely. "I really am tired."

He opens her car door for her. "Tomorrow partner," he says in a shorthand way that he'll see her tomorrow as he leans against the open door while she slides in. Not only is he saying that he'll see her tomorrow, but that maybe tomorrow, or sometime soon, they'll start delving into the conversations that will lead them to begin resolving the fears that are standing in the way of their thing.

"Tomorrow," she replies, content with the hope she hears in his voice and the hope she feels in her heart.

* * *

Reviews always welcome. Thanks for reading!


	2. The World is a Scary Place

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 2: **The World is a Scary Place (Post Ep for 5x23)

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters

**Summary: **This is an add-on scene to 5x23, the episode where they got called in on the weekend to work a terrorist attack. This scene begins at the bar where the team has gone out for drinks.

* * *

**The World is a Scary Place**

The camaraderie and beverages help the six team members forget for a little while the hellish day they have lived through. Nell and Kensi fulfill their wish of having several beers and are giggling over an exaggerated story that an unusually chatty Callen is telling about a compromising position he got himself into while working overseas. Kensi is sitting close to Deeks in the booth. Having her so close and not being able to touch her is killing him. She laughs heartily as Callen gets to the resolution of his story and she grabs onto Deeks's arm. Her touch sends a bolt of electricity through him. He knows instantly that they can't ignore their thing, or take a step back. They need talk and figure out how to move forward or they will end up making the same mistakes twice.

Deeks had driven Kensi and Nell to the bar and ends up taking them both home too. "Let's go for ice cream," Kensi suggests after they drop Nell off. When Kensi gets her ice cream cone, the easy conversation that had been occupying the car drops off. Deeks notices her expression change from relaxed to pensive and somber, and he wonders if she is thinking about the terrorist attack from that day.

"You should come in and eat your ice cream," Kensi suggests when he pulls up in front of her apartment. She is glad he got a sundae and couldn't eat it while driving so that she could make this suggestion. After another day where they have been reminded how unpredictable and cruel the world can be, she doesn't want to be alone.

Due to the desires stirred up by sitting next to her at the bar, Deeks thinks he probably should decline, but he can't say no to her.

Thirsty from the evening's alcohol intake, Kensi drops her purse on the table and goes to her small kitchen to get them some water. Deeks realizes his sundae is now a soupy mess and joins her in the kitchen to get some napkins. As he enters the kitchen he hears her sigh.

"You okay Kens?" he asks.

She takes him by surprise when she sets down the water glass she had been filling, turns to him, wraps her arms around his waist, and rests her forehead against his shoulder. He lets out a long breath as his arms circle around her. Just holding her helps release some of the sexual tension that has been building up between them again.

"What's wrong?" he urges as one hand caresses her back.

"Sometimes the world is a scary place to live in," Kensi laments as she turns her head to the side so she isn't talking into Deeks's chest.

"I know," he commiserates, thinking about just how terrifying of a place it was in the days before the last time he held her like this.

"It's things like today, and Afghanistan, the pain and suffering in Sudan, the girls in Nigeria…Why is there so much cruelty and hurt?"

"I don't know. I agree it's felt like there's been more bad stuff than good lately." He wishes he had a better answer for her. He also wishes he could protect her from all the bad in the world. However, Deeks is really glad she is sharing her burdensome feelings with him, especially since some of her walls have gone back up since Afghanistan and he knows that might be partially his fault.

Kensi didn't expect him to have an answer. It's just really nice to have someone to talk to about it. She doesn't need Deeks to protect her, but she does feel safe in his arms.

"I don't want to die alone in my apartment," she confesses, "so can we figure out our thing before I'm 70?"

Deeks smiles and squeezes her shoulder. "I promise we'll have it figured out at least 35 years before that."

Kensi realizes that her 35th birthday is still a few years away, and there Is no way in hell she is waiting that long.

"How about 35 years before you're 70," she pushes since he is already 35.

"I'm working on it," he assures her.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me," she says softly as she runs a hand over the side of his chest that is not occupied by her head.

"I will Sunshine. I just need to work through it first."

Her heart fills with warmth and comfort at the use of her nickname and the assurance that he is going to tell her what is going on with him. As her arm comes up and circles around his neck he has the overwhelming urge to kiss her hair, her forehead, her lips.

"I should probably go," Deeks says regretfully. He knows he is going to disappoint her, but he can't let anything happen between them until he knows they can really give their relationship a try without it destroying both of them and their partnership.

"Stay and watch some TV with me," she requests as she backs out of their embrace. She doesn't want to leave his arms. In fact, as she looks into his eyes she wants to lean in and kiss him until he can't remember why he is scared to move forward with their relationship. She can feel him pulling away emotionally as well as physically. Trying to be patient, she tells him, "I won't push about our thing."

Deeks settles in on the couch and distracts himself with his melted ice cream. Kensi chooses _Once Upon a Time_ from her DVR. She needs a little fantasy where good always wins over evil. They stay at opposite ends of the couch until Deeks's feet make their way into Kensi's lap indicating it is his turn for a foot massage. She obliges and as he relaxes at her touch Kensi fantasizes about working her way up his body and lying next to him.

Too soon the show is over. Deeks pulls his feet from Kensi's lap and gets up. She turns off the TV and joins him at the door. He makes reference to the show they were watching as he parts with, "we'll write the next chapter in our story soon."

"So we're going to figure this out?" Kensi clarifies smiling.

"We always do," Deeks finishes what has sort of become their mantra and flashes her a smile in return.

* * *

Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome.


	3. Do You Want This?

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 3: **Do you want this?

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters. I also do not own the lyrics to the Pink song _Glitter in the Air_

**Summary: **Some of this chapter will be added scenes that take place during the season 5 finale. The rest of the chapter is my prediction of what might happen in the first episode of season 6 and how Kensi and Deeks might get together. I really am not sure if Kensi and Deeks actually made love that night before Afghanistan. For the purpose of this story I am going to go with that they did.

* * *

**Do You Want This?**

As Deeks drives to the boathouse, he steals a glance at Kensi. She's been more frustrated and solemn since she's been back from Afghanistan. Her increased moodiness is subtle, so it's not something the rest of the team has noticed. Deeks has noticed though, and what has him worried is that these emotions seem to be showing up more frequently instead of less as time passes.

Kensi is definitely frustrated today. She is frustrated because it's been one hell of a year where nothing has really gone her way, nothing important anyway. She is frustrated because as much as she wants to just move forward, she can't seem to let go of what happened in Afghanistan. In fact she is having more nightmares and more emotions about the whole experience now, than she did when she first got home. What has her most frustrated at the moment is that last week she and Deeks seemed to take a step toward each other and now this woman shows up calling Deeks partner and claiming they hooked up.

"Kens?" Deeks earnestly requests her attention, all teasing from a moment ago about her abusive nature is gone from his voice. "Why are you trying to pick a fight about Talia?"

"Do you like her?" Kensi asks. Her stomach is in knots over the fact that Deeks was so nervous when she met Talia just now. She knows she will be crushed if he really likes this woman.

"You didn't answer my question," Deeks reminds her evenly how answering questions with questions does not help their ability to communicate.

"I…you…" Kensi tries to find the right way to express her feelings about Talia. She ends up emitting a frustrated sigh/growl before rushing out an accusatory, "You didn't tell me about her."

"I didn't tell you because it was one day working with another agency, which we do all the time. To answer your question, yes, from the little bit I know about her I think she is cool. I think you will also like her if you give her a chance."

Kensi doubts this will be true.

Deeks can tell Kensi is still upset that he didn't tell her about Talia.

"Just so you know, the whole day we worked together I was thinking about you. Nothing happened between Talia and I."

Kensi believes him that nothing happened and she plans to keep it that way.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Deeks asks not able to hide his smile as they get in the car after Kensi and Talia's little competition at the boathouse.

"I could ask you the same thing," she replies.

"I'm a guy. I was really trying not to look, but you two were not making it very easy on me in there."

"It could be easy. All you need to do is choose," Kensi challenges.

"You know how I feel about you," Deeks reasons.

"No, I don't," she states emphatically, thinking back to a few minutes ago when she overheard Deeks tell Talia that their relationship is more of a brother/sister relationship. She knows the brother/sister thing isn't true, but she doesn't know how Deeks feels anymore beyond that. Every time she thinks she knows where they stand he says or does something that makes her less sure. "You've never said it and therein lies the problem."

Deeks almost tells her that she hasn't said it either, but then he remembers their frozen lake conversation. That day she had told him that she wanted them more than anything else in the world. Deeks realizes that she has said it, just in her own way. His eyes leave the road for a minute to peek at the love of his life. She is putting her hair back up into a ponytail, presenting her scent glands to him. He smiles to himself and decides that after they wrap up this case he will find a way to tell Kensi what she means to him.

* * *

"You're good," Kensi compliments Talia after they take down a female suspect that may have information about where the submarine that Callen and Sam are on is headed.

"Thanks, Deeks wasn't lying when he said you were badass," Talia returns the compliment.

Deeks overhears the exchange and is relieved that Kensi and Talia seem to be warming to each other.

Once at the boathouse, the women let Deeks work his charms on their suspect while they watch the interrogation on the screen from the main room.

"He loves you, you know? You have nothing to worry about." Talia knows she has no chance with Deeks, mostly because she knows she deserves to find a man who isn't in love with another woman. That being the circumstance, she figures she might as well try and form a civil working relationship with Kensi. Kensi gives Talia a, 'butt out' look, so Talia adds, "I have some experience in the partner/relationship department. Thought maybe I could help."

"So what was the flirting about earlier?" Kensi asks warily.

"Oh that, that was just to have a little fun with you." Talia adds with a mischievous smile, "and with him."

Kensi gives the briefest hint of a smile and utters, "Damn it, I hate when he's right."

"Right about what?" Talia asks.

"He said I'd like you if I gave you a chance," she replies. After watching a few more minutes of Deeks's interrogation Kensi asks tentatively, "so I take it you and your partner didn't work out?"

"No," Talia replies slowly, "but I think you and Deeks are different. You both are aware of the risks and potential downfalls. I think he is worth the risk."

"I do too," Kensi agrees, surprised she is opening up to this woman she barely knows. "Now I just need him to realize we are worth the risk.

* * *

"Who's up for drinks?" Eric asks from the middle landing of the stairs once everyone is back at ops safe and sound.

"Me!" Nell's hand shoots in the air with enthusiasm. "It's hard work being the boss."

"Joelle said she'd come out for one," Callen joins in. "Talia?" he invites.

"Sure, I'm in."

"Family is asleep already, so might as well. Kensi? Deeks?" Sam asks.

"I'm in for celebrating my awesome rescue skills," Deeks teases the guys.

Kensi is pissed that Deeks wants to go out instead of talk about them. She's tired of being the one pushing though. She's pissed enough that she doesn't even want to go out with the group. She'd rather go home and sulk. "I've had enough excitement for one day," she tells the group as she puts on the fake smile she has had a lot of practice using over the past month or so. She hugs Callen and Sam one more time just to assure herself they are really home safe and sound. "A shower and bed are calling my name."

"You sure?" Deeks asks once the rest of the team starts heading for their cars. He doesn't really want to go without her.

"Yes, I'm sure," she replies staring him down, trying to convey that the next move is his and right now he's making the wrong one.

He knows she's mad, but he doesn't really know what to do about it. If he backs out of the group outing now the team will know something is up. Plus he doesn't know if the middle of the night is the right time to have a life altering discussion. He really just wants to go out for one drink and go to bed.

* * *

At the bar Talia decides to give Deeks a little help whether he wants it or not. She keeps getting closer and closer to him. She's back to flirting and she begins stroking his thigh. He gets up to buy Callen and Eric another drink in order to get Talia to back off a bit. Nell comes up to him at the bar and slaps his bicep.

"What is with the hitting today!" he exclaims.

"Apparently you deserve it," Nell retorts. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asks meaning both literally and what is he doing about Kensi and himself.

"It's complicated Nell. I don't want to disappoint her."

"I know it's complicated, but I can guarantee she is at home right now disappointed."

"I don't have the answers for how we do this," he confides.

"Who does?" Nell counters.

He knows Nell is right. He hands Nell the drinks and requests, "say goodnight for me."

"Sure thing"

"and Nell…"

"My lips are sealed," she promises with a smile.

* * *

Pink's song _Glitter in the Air _plays softly in Kensi's bathroom as she closes her eyes in the tub. It's not often a song or movie cause her to tear up, but every once in awhile the emotion just hits her. After her experience in Afghanistan, and after almost losing Callen and Sam today, Kensi knows she doesn't want to wait even another day to tell Deeks how she feels and what she wants. She doesn't care how it will affect their partnership. She just wants to be with him. She feels like they have been in this safe place on the edge of something wonderful, exciting, and terrifying all at the same time.

Tears start to fall as she berates herself for being stubborn and wanting him to make the next move. What if he decides that Talia is the easier choice? Her phone sits next to the tub as she waits for him to realize that he wants to be with her instead of out with Talia and the rest of the team. She doesn't know how, but she knows she needs to get Deeks past the fear. She doesn't want them to miss their chance. She has to get him past the fear because she wants more than just that one perfect night. She reaches down to grab her phone from next to the bathtub and dials Deeks.

He answers with, "Hey Kens, I'm on my way over."

"Good, we need to talk. See you soon."

Kensi gets out of the bath and puts on a sports bra, t-shirt, and yoga pants. She has just enough time to take a brush through her hair before Deeks arrives.

"Hi," Kensi greets him when she opens the door.

"Hi," he replies. "Long day," he comments as they make their way to her couch.

"Yeah," she agrees sitting sideways and curling one leg in front of her so she can face him as he mirrors her position. "And it really cemented in my mind that there isn't always a tomorrow. I don't want to wait anymore Deeks. I need to know. Do you want this? Because I want this…I want us."

Deeks takes a deep breath. He knows he can't run from it any longer.

"Of course I want us, but right now going there terrifies me."

"I know," she says in a soft, understanding tone as she scoots closer to him on the couch, "but I need to know why you are so scared, because I'm scared too, but I'm also not happy," she confides as tears prick the corners of her eyes.

Seeing the pain in her eyes makes his heart ache. Needing a physical connection with her Deeks rests his hands on the leg Kensi has curled in front of her. "I think I'm scared of loving you too much. You are everything to me," he whispers as he looks into her eyes. When he says this he is thinking about what he did in Afghanistan, but he can't go there yet. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you," Deeks admits part of his fears as his thumb nervously rubs circles on her calf. It means everything to her to hear him finally say these words and talk to her about his fears.

"For me that's a reason to do this…we don't know how long we have. Don't we deserve to be happy?"

Deeks wants to give it a shot. He really does. Seeing that she's winning him over, Kensi slides her hands under the ones resting on her leg.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"No," she replies honestly giving his hands a little squeeze.

"It's kind of like you jump, I jump, right?" he questions quoting her favorite movie as he leans toward her.

"Something like that," she answers softly as she closes the distance and their lips meet. He feels her smile against his lips. At the moment he feels that smile he knows they've made the right decision. His hands leave hers to come up and cup her cheeks which are wet with the tears from months of built up emotion. As her arms circle his neck, he slowly deepens the kiss. When they part for a breath, he wipes her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I'm sorry Kens," Deeks apologizes for putting her through any pain and places a loving kiss on her lips.

"It's just been hard since Afghanistan." She tries to explain why she is emotional, but that's all she really feels like saying for the moment so she kisses Deeks again. Things become passionate quickly as suppressed desires have been suddenly unleashed. Kensi's teeth tug at Deeks's bottom lip as he pulls her into his lap. Her hands explore his chest and arms as he maneuvers them into a horizontal position on the couch. As one hand caresses the back of her neck and the other one slides from her waist to cup her breast, Kensi hears herself half whimper, half moan with desire. She kisses Deeks one more time before pulling back a little.

He opens his eyes to see what's wrong.

"I uh…I know it's kind of silly since we've already…" Kensi tries to explain embarrassed. "I'd just kind of like to go on a date first."

Deeks's hand cups the back of her head and brings her lips to his for a more chaste kiss, then he guides her head to his chest. "Did I ever tell you that the Gurkha told me how to cross a frozen lake?" he asks as his fingers run through her hair. He feels her shake her head no. "You have to do it slowly. You have to take time to look at everything. I can do slow," he assures her, then kisses the top of her head. In fact, given his fears, slow sounds pretty good to him.

* * *

Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome.


	4. Confronting Afghanistan (and Hetty)

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 4: **Confronting Afghanistan (and Hetty)

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters

**Summary: **This chapter begins right where chapter 3 ended. I feel like the season finale left something unresolved between Hetty and Kensi, so this chapter is my attempt at Kensi getting some of her questions about her assignment in Afghanistan answered.

* * *

**Confronting Afghanistan (and Hetty)**

One of Deeks's hands plays with her hair. The ends of which are still wet from her bubble bath. The fingertips of the other hand continue to lightly glide over her back in circle and figure-eight patterns in the same manner they have been for the past ten minutes. Deeks still can't believe she is finally in his arms again after all this time.

The knots that have been tying up Kensi's stomach since she left for Afghanistan slowly started unraveling about 10 minutes ago. Being in Deeks's arms feels so incredible, but she knows she will not be able to be truly at peace until she puts Afghanistan behind her.

"I want to do something," she tells him quietly, lifting her head and resting her chin on his chest so she can look up at him.

"What?" he asks full of concerned curiosity as he brings both hands to rest on her lower back.

"I don't want to ruin the moment, but I want to go to D. C."

He wants to make a joke about preferring Vegas or Hawaii and that he'd follow her anywhere, but he knows where she is headed with this so he refrains from joking.

"I need to go," she clarifies.

He thinks for a moment and decides to take the risk of asking and possibly being rejected. "Can I come?" he asks really not liking the idea of being away from her even if it is only across the country and not halfway around the world.

'I'd like that," she replies without hesitation as she scoots herself up so she can kiss him. If he hadn't offered, she would have asked. Letting him out of her sight when she finally has him right where she wants him wasn't even an option for her. One kiss turns into two and three. His hands slip under her t-shirt and slide all the way up to her shoulders as they make-out on her couch. One of her hands rests on his shoulder and the other one starts on his cheek and ends up in his hair. His hands skim down her back and under the waistband of her yoga pants. They cup her bottom and press her tighter against him. She can feel his desire matches her own and she knows that if she doesn't stop this now, neither of them will.

"Ok loverboy," she says breathily before kissing his cheek. "Time to plan this trip," she adds, then kisses his chest through his shirt before pushing herself up off of him forcing him to retract his hands.

"So, only above the waist fooling around then?" he teases gently slapping her butt as she leans over to get her computer.

"No!" she exclaims partly from the comment and partly from the now, not so inappropriate ass slap. "No fooling around until we go on that date."

"Better go pack a date dress," he encourages waggling his eyebrows at her as he takes the computer from her.

She just smiles and shakes her head at him.

"$199 for a one-way nonstop flight?" he calls a few minutes later into her bedroom where she is packing.

"Sounds good," she calls back and emerges a few seconds later with a credit card.

"I got it Kens," he says reaching for his wallet.

She gives him a 'don't argue with me about this' look, and he complies reaching out for her credit card.

"Let me take care of the hotel then," he requests. She's come a long way from requesting separate checks at Starbucks and grants him his request without a putting up a fight about it first.

"Are you angry with Hetty?" he asks as he searches for hotels online and she irons a blouse. He's noticed that while Kensi hasn't been hostile toward their boss, things between them haven't been as friendly as they once were. "I've been passively, aggressively angry with her for many months," he admits.

"I don't know," she replies honestly. "I was angry the whole time I was there, but then when I first got home I just wanted to forget and move on. I wanted things to go back to normal and that meant trusting Hetty and doing my job. What happened in Afghanistan has been weighing on my mind more and more. I think it is because I have questions about the mission." She pauses for a minute glad to have a task in front of her. "I also have regrets," she confides.

"I think getting answers will help." Deeks hopes it will help her find closure. Maybe help both of them find closure about what happened in Afghanistan. "One room or two?" he asks once he's found a nice boutique hotel close to the Capitol Building. She gives him a 'What do you think?' look.

"Right, you can't keep your hands off me so two it is," he teases.

"Whatever," she replies, too tired to come up with a better refute.

"Pick you up at 6:30?" he asks as he shuts down the computer noting it is already 3:30 in the morning. He still needs to go home and pack. He'll be lucky if he gets any sleep.

"I'm almost ready. I could come with you," she offers.

"See, can't keep your hands off me," he teases again and takes her up on the offer.

After warning him about keeping his hands to himself she spends the night in his bed, but she's fast asleep while he's still packing toiletries. He is right about not getting any sleep, but it's not because he doesn't have an hour or two to spare. It's because he'd rather watch her sleep.

* * *

A few hours later when Kensi returns to the waiting area at their gate at LAX she finds Deeks slouched in his chair with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. She sits down beside him feeling bad about his lack of sleep. Her presence next to him and the smell of the coffee she is holding brings him out of his semi-conscious state. He opens his eyes and straightens to a completely upright position.

"Thanks for coming with me," Kensi says sincerely as she hands him his coffee.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he replies truthfully as he breaks off a piece of her chocolate donut and pops it into his mouth.

* * *

Once they are in the air and on their way to Washington D. C. Kensi comments, "So you fly helicopters now huh?"

"Yup, could probably fly this thing too," he boasts referring to the airplane they are on. "Well, in the air at least. The landing wouldn't be too pretty."

"Any other secrets from when I was away that I should know about?" she asks a little upset that he hasn't told her some of these things. She is glad though that Sam and Callen took Deeks under their wing while she was gone and are sharing some of their expansive knowledge. Callen and Sam teaching Deeks these skills really shows how much they have come to respect him.

"Only good ones," he promises knowing that secrets and surprises are not her favorite things.

"So no more secret girlfriends?" she teases. Deeks's flustered look causes her to relent. "I'm kidding."

"Speaking of secrets, are we keeping this a secret?" Deeks asks gesturing between them to show that he means their relationship.

Kensi mulls it over for a minute. "I think that if someone asks us outright we shouldn't lie, but maybe we keep it to ourselves for awhile and see how it goes."

Deeks nods his agreement thinking that it might be nice just for them to have time to figure things out and see where things go before they are a couple in front of their friends and family. "Also, if some people get wind of it, one or both of us may get sent off to foreign lands."

"You don't really still believe that's why she sent me do you?" Kensi asks seeing that Deeks is still quite upset with Hetty. She senses he may be upset with himself too.

"I don't know. She never denied it when I asked her. She just shut me down."

"It may be another good reason to keep this to ourselves for a little while," Kensi agrees. She's pretty sure now that Hetty's motive for sending her had nothing, or very little, to do with the relationship between Deeks and herself, but she is all for keeping things quiet just in case them being together would cause someone to break up their partnership.

* * *

When they arrive in Washington D. C. it is late afternoon. They drop their baggage at the hotel and head over to the hotel where NCIS agents stay when they are in D. C. Kensi has the front desk call Hetty's room. She sounds surprised and a little angry that Kensi and Deeks are in D. C., but she agrees to come down for a drink.

"Ms. Blye what are you doing here?" Hetty confronts Kensi and Deeks in the lobby. Yup, definitely angry, and more than a little.

"I need some answers Hetty. I'm not okay with what happened in Afghanistan." Kensi is proud of herself for being able to express this to Hetty.

"And Mr. Deeks, why are you here?" Hetty asks with a sigh. Both agents can tell it's been a long day for their boss.

"I'm here to help my partner get closure on a very difficult mission."

"What questions do you have Ms. Blye?" Hetty asks once they are seated in a quiet corner of the hotel bar with drinks in front of them. Hetty's tone is formal and clipped.

"How long before I went to Afghanistan did you know where Jack was?" Kensi asks.

"A few months"

Deeks notes her first question is about Jack. It's been on his mind for awhile now whether or not she still has feelings for him. He knows he's going to have to bring it up soon for his own piece of mind.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew where he was?"

"What would you have done Ms. Blye? Would you have gone to Afghanistan to find him?"

After thinking about the question for a moment Kensi answers with a quiet, "No."

This answer gives Deeks a certain amount of relief.

"I didn't tell you because I figured you had a certain amount of closure. I didn't want to bring up old wounds."

Hetty is right. She did have a certain amount of closure. She had enough that she was ready to move forward with Deeks before Hetty sent her halfway around the world and put a pause on that plan.

"Then why did you send me when he was in trouble?"

"I believed you would save his life, and you did. Kensi please believe me that I never intended for your life to be in danger any more than it is any other day." Hetty's apology is in a softer timber than the rest of the conversation.

"You sent her to a war zone where she couldn't trust anybody Hetty. She was definitely in more danger," Deeks cuts in not able to contain his anger about Hetty sending her there. Kensi catches his eye trying to project a soothing 'calm down' look.

"Shouldn't I have known more about my true mission? By the end I didn't think I could trust anyone," Kensi tries to convey just how confused and frustrated she was over there when she left on her own to find Jack.

"I thought you would use the Sat Phone when the time came," Hetty explains.

Kensi is quiet for a minute. "I would have, but at that point I don't think I even trusted you," she admits.

Deeks still wonders why she didn't call him before she went after Jack, but for the time being keeps it to himself.

"I know I took a big risk and am sorry that my team had to risk their lives to save us," Kensi adds. It feels good to release some of the guilt she's been carrying around. She knows getting captured and beaten was not her fault alone, but sometimes it feels that way.

"And I admit I made mistakes in running this mission. I am truly sorry Kensi."

"I think we both made mistakes, which is why I would like to help if I can. Do you know what they are going to do yet?" Kensi asks.

"It looks like I will have to resign, but we are meeting again tomorrow."

"Would it help if I came and said something on your behalf?"

"I can't let you do that Kensi." Hetty will protect her agents for as long as she can.

"I want to," Kensi insists.

* * *

"The hard part is over," Deeks says as he takes Kensi's hand in his as they enter their hotel later that evening. "Would you like to join me for a date on the balcony?" he asks. Since they already ate dinner with Hetty he can't take her on a dinner date, but he'd still like a date nonetheless.

"Sure," she replies.

"This is beautiful," she tells Deeks as he joins her on the balcony of their hotel room with a glass of wine from the nightcap station set out by the hotel. "Thanks," she adds as she accepts the offered glass of wine.

"It is," Deeks agrees as he sits in the empty chair and admires their view of the Capitol Building. "It's actually my first time here," he reveals as he reaches over and takes her hand in his. She tears her eyes from the scenery to look over at him waiting for him to say more. "Dad wasn't really the family vacation kind of guy," he explains.

She rubs her thumb in circles over the top of his hand as she remembers everything he's told her about his crappy childhood.

After they enjoy the beautiful May evening in silence for awhile Deeks says, "This isn't really first date material, but can I ask you something?"

"I think we know each other a little too well to stick to first date topics." Kensi opens the door for him to ask.

"Do you have feelings for Jack?" His eyes search hers as he asks the question. She gets the feeling he's wanted to ask this question for awhile. She understands that it is a valid question given that she went after Jack into the Afghanistan wilderness. She respects that he's been more levelheaded about Jack than she was about Talia.

"No" Her definite utterance and the loving honesty he sees in her eyes tell him this is the truth. She knows he deserves more of an answer than one word so she continues, "I will always have a special place in my heart for him. He was my first love. For a brief moment in Afghanistan I thought I might still love him, but that was just the emotion of the situation and seeing him after all this time. I can tell you with the utmost certainty that I am not in love with Jack." I'm in love with you she thinks, but is not ready to say.

Deeks brings his hand to her cheek and leans over for a kiss. She meets him halfway trying to convey through the kiss how much she cares for him. They break off the kiss when leaning over the arms of their deck chairs becomes uncomfortable.

"One more question?" Deeks requests.

"hmmm?" she consents.

"Why didn't you call me before you went out by yourself?"

Uncomfortable with the question, she folds into herself pulling her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs. She stares straight ahead instead of looking at him.

"I don't have a good answer for you. After I missed the shot on purpose I knew Granger was on to me. I figured he would pull me off the mission and take Jack out himself. There wasn't a lot of time, but I could have called. I grappled with whether to call or not, but I didn't trust my emotions. What would I have said really? That's why I settled on the video." She wipes away the lone tear that slips from her brimming eyes at the memory of having to make that video and how she knew it would never be enough for Deeks.

"You didn't take a weapon?" His question is also a bit of an accusation. She can tell he is upset with her for her disregard for her own life. She also thinks he might be upset that she didn't have regard for how her choices would affect him. Or maybe he isn't upset and she just feels guilty for choosing to go after Jack even though she knew what could happen to her, and knew how that might affect Deeks.

"I figured I might have a better chance of surviving being captured if they didn't think I was a threat. Remember last night when I said I had regrets? I'm sorry for what I put you through," she offers turning toward him and resting her cheek on her knees.

She's so damn cute he thinks as he tells her earnestly, "I don't want you to be sorry. You're the one who went through hell. I do want you to make me the same promise you asked of me."

She lifts her head and looks into his eyes.

"Promise me you won't get yourself killed," he requests.

She does and reaches out for his hand.

"That's probably enough serious discussion for one night. Want to go watch a movie?" Deeks asks suddenly exhausted from the long day. She agrees that a movie sounds like a perfect way to decompress.

"Why is it like the arctic tundra in here?" Kensi exclaims as she rubs her hands up and down her arms upon reentering the hotel room. She heads over to the bed and crawls under the covers fully clothed in the dress pants and blouse she'd been wearing all day.

"So I can do this," Deeks explains as he joins her in bed and gathers her in his arms.

"I'm so glad we got two rooms," he teases a little while later as his fingers dance up and down the arm that is wrapped around his chest.

"You can leave," Kensi jokes as she turns her head to kiss his shoulder, then scoots up to place kisses on his neck and jaw and up to his lips.

"It's my room," he laughs as his fingers tickle her sides and her laughter joins his. He pushes her over so she's on her back and his lips claim hers once more. He settles back beside her before things get too heated.

* * *

"Ms. Lange has always been an exemplary Operations Manager," Kensi tells a room full of people the next day. "She has led successful mission after successful mission. She has cultivated many great agents and saved thousands of lives. She has always executed missions with her head and not her heart, but in this case her heart came into play. It happens to all of us at one time or another. In fact once I realized I knew the White Ghost I broke protocol and went after him by myself. I didn't use the Sat Phone that had been given to me. I didn't check in with my boss, Ms. Lange. All of my actions could have very well led to my capture." Kensi notices Hetty giving her a firm look to stop and not dig herself a hole here. Deeks is giving her a similar look. "I'm not saying Ms. Lange did not make mistakes. I'm just saying that we all make mistakes. I don't think one botched mission is worth taking away everything Ms. Lange has done in her long and brilliant career. Please remember how much she has done to protect our nation. Thank you for your time."

After the meeting for Hetty, Deeks and Kensi find a café nearby with outdoor seating for a late lunch.

Kensi had called Callen the day before to tell him she was headed to D.C. She knows he worries about Hetty. He calls Kensi when they are at the café.

"Hey Callen"

"Hey Kens, how did today go?"

"Good, I got a three day suspension for opening my mouth, but I think it helped Hetty get a 60 day suspension instead of being asked to resign."

"Sorry about your suspension. You don't deserve that."

"It's okay. I broke protocol by going after Jack alone and without permission." She rests a hand over Deeks's and runs her fingers from his fingertips to his wrist and back again. She is pleasantly surprised at how easy and natural it is for her to show physical affection for Deeks. "There are more important things." The words are said to Callen, but meant for Deeks.

* * *

"You think he's with her?" Sam asks when Callen hangs up with Kensi.

"I don't think he's been home sick the past two days," Callen replies.

"Really, I thought they took a step back after Afghanistan?" Sam questions.

"They step forward. They step back. They step sideways. They've always been dancing around each other."

Sam nods his agreement. "We could have Eric and Nell use the GPS locator on Deeks's phone," he suggests, thinking that it's a pleasantly slow day and he wants answers as to what his friends are up to.

"We could," Callen agrees with a gleam in his eye. With proof Kensi and Deeks won't be able to deny they were together in Washington.

Nell puts a stop to the boys' plans. "No, we are not spying on Kensi or Deeks. They have a right to their privacy. I'm sure Deeks is really home sick. You two," she says pointedly staring down Callen and Sam, "had us quite stressed the other day, and stress leads to illness."

Callen and Sam do not fall for Nell's guilt trip. Eric's interest is now piqued. "You know we will just do it when you leave." He tries to goad her knowing he may get in trouble with Nell, but could win points with the boys.

"No, now get out of my operations center," she commands. They all leave grumbling about how bossy she is. After she is sure they aren't coming back, Nell checks Deeks's cell phone to see the GPS locator is on. She'll have to give he and Kensi a lesson in electronics discretion if they have any hope of keeping their relationship a secret.

* * *

"So," Deeks says after he takes his last bite of lunch, "since tomorrow is Saturday want to do some sightseeing and go home on Sunday?" There is nothing she would rather do than spend more time alone with Deeks and she can see it would make him really happy. If she shows him D. C. for the first time, maybe he will take her to Vegas sometime soon.

"Might as well go on vacation together before we go on a date…we do everything else backward anyway," she consents to his plan.

"Last night?" he questions assuming that she isn't counting their conversation on the balcony a date.

"Doesn't count," she confirms giving him a hard time.

They go back to the hotel to change into more comfortable clothes to get out and see what sights they can with what is left of their day.

Fifteen minutes after they return to the hotel he knocks on the door to her room. "Where to Fern?" he asks fanning out a plethora of brochures when she opens the door. She laughs and insists that he pick. Since it is late afternoon they visit a few monuments and walk the National Mall. Both enjoy finally having the simple pleasure of holding the other's hand as they explore the nation's capital before enjoying a quiet candlelit dinner at a restaurant near the hotel.

* * *

The next morning Kensi wakes to bright sunlight invading their hotel room. She and Deeks had fallen asleep cuddling. As neither of them are used to sleeping with another person as of late, they had drifted apart during the night to find more comfortable positions. The only physical connection they have is Kensi's hand on his bicep. The first thing Kensi notices is how rested and relaxed she feels. The second is Deeks's bare chest. The first night he'd slept with a t-shirt on presumably to keep more barriers between them. Last night he'd gotten comfortable and lost the shirt, and she certainly appreciates it. She scoots closer to him and moves her hand from his bicep to his chest.

"Wake up sleepyhead," she whispers then places light kisses on his chest.

"Good morning," Deeks's low, rough morning voice greets her. He wraps an arm around her letting her curls fall through his fingers as her kisses travel over his stomach. "I can't remember the last time I slept this well," Deeks comments checking the clock and trying to draw his focus away from what her kisses are doing to him. If she goes any lower he may lose it.

"Me too," she replies as she kisses along the waistband of his boxers as she skims a foot along his calf. Her heart speeds up as she feels his body stiffen. She is reveling in what she is doing to him. "I'm rested…and relaxed …for the first time in months," she teases between kisses. "You?"

"Not exactly" She notes the strain in his voice as his hand fists in her hair.

"Oh wow!" he hisses, voice filled with awe and pleasure. "So this is happening." So much for slow he thinks with a smile.

It's better than any fantasy he's ever had.

* * *

Kensi is putting gel in her hair to enhance the natural curl a little later that morning. She figures she might as well not fight the humidity. As she adds makeup she notes how every song on her i-pod this morning reminds her of the man who should be back any minute with coffee and how she feels about him. When Deeks returns to the room his hands are full so he has to knock. She opens the door and he can't help but stare for a second. She is wearing the sundress she wore on their mission in the suburban neighborhood as Justin and Melissa. Her hair is falling over her shoulders in cascading waves and her cheeks are rosy.

"You look stunning," Deeks compliments when he gains the ability to speak.

"Thank you," she replies as her cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink.

She catches him staring again as he sits on the bed sipping his coffee and she finishes getting ready. He is mesmerized not only by her beauty, but also by the fact that she looks happier than he's seen her in a long time. He is still scared about their relationship going to the next level, but he is happy and more importantly he is happy to be making her happy. Uncomfortable with the attention, she makes a face at him in the mirror.

"What? You know I love that dress," he defends his inability to take his eyes off her.

"I know," she replies with a coy smile.

He gets up and walks over to her. "Plus boyfriends stare at their girlfriends so get used to it," he advises as he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in for a kiss.

* * *

Kensi and Deeks spend their day at the Smithsonian. They visit the Air and Space museum. At the National Museum of American History Kensi especially enjoys the exhibit on First Ladies' Gowns. Deeks appreciates the trains at the America on the Move exhibit.

As they walk through a garden on the grounds of the Smithsonian eating ice cream during the late afternoon Kensi's mind drifts over the past few days. It is still surreal to her that she and Deeks are actually together.

"Does this feel weird?" Kensi asks swinging their joined hands.

"Bad weird or good weird?" He leans over and gives her a chocolately kiss to sway her answer.

"Good, I was just thinking how usually this kind of stuff isn't natural for me," she explains squeezing his hand, "but with you it's easy."

"Maybe it's because we've known each other for a long time. We've had time to build up trust. I was also thinking how right this feels." He brings their joined hands to his lips.

Kensi hopes the trust they've built is enough to help Deeks open up about what happened to make him back off from their relationship after Afghanistan. She isn't going to worry about that now though as Deeks's cold, ice cream lips place a kiss on the inside of her wrist, a spot that he's already figured out makes her go weak at the knees.

"You ready to get out of here?" he asks seeing the desire in her eyes.

"We should…we only have today to explore." She doesn't know why she is suggesting the opposite of what she wants.

"Oh, I plan to explore." His whispered words send pleasant shivers down her spine.

Since she's been back from Afghanistan Kensi has felt like she's been the one initiating most of the flirting and any talk about "their thing." Today though Deeks has definitely been more active instigating physical contact between them and his flirting has her more than a little hot and bothered. He seems to be clued into this fact as his hand that was resting on her waist smoothes down the side of her dress and slips under the hem. As they ride the elevator alone to their hotel room, his lips press a kiss to her neck as his hand slides back up against bare skin.

"Deeks," she warns half-heartedly as he turns his hand and his fingertips now skim the inside of her thigh. God she's missed him. She's afraid she might self-combust before they get to the room.

"What?" he mumbles playfully against her neck. "I assumed after this morning below the waist fooling around was allowed."

"It is," she confirms, turning her head so her lips can get some attention from his. "Just not in an elevator," she adds looking up to indicate the video camera in the elevator just as it stops at their floor. Deeks removes his hand from her leg and returns it to her waist as they make their way quickly to their room.

* * *

"Why so glum sweetheart?" Deeks asks taking in Kensi's somber mood the next morning at the airport. He asks in his Mary Poppins/Jack Sparrow English accent because he knows she has difficulty not smiling when he does it.

He gets the smile he is looking for, but only a shrug in answer to his questions.

"Don't want to go home?" he tries since he is feeling the same way.

"I need a longer vacation," she admits really wishing they had a little more time for just them.

"We could hop a plane to NYC. I could go for a Cronut this morning," Deeks suggests knowing it is in vain.

The ever practical Kensi replies, "We have tickets to the Dodgers game with the guys tomorrow. Maybe later in the summer though," she adds leaving the door open and reminding them both that they have all the time in the world and endless possibilities for their future.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome.


	5. Irrational Fears

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 5: **Irrational Fears

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content, maybe bordering on M for some scenes

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters

**Summary: **This chapter turned out to be a lot of Kensi and Deeks fluff that moves their relationship forward, but doesn't get any of the deep issues resolved. I'm not sure if they actually made love the night that they spent together before she was sent to Afghanistan, but for the purposes of this story I am going with that they did.

* * *

**Irrational Fears**

After arriving home from Washington D. C. Kensi and Deeks decide to spend the night at their own places in order to slow down a bit their quick jump into a relationship. This lasts all of a few hours.

"Hey," Kensi answers her phone glad to hear from him.

"Hi," Deeks replies. "What are you up to?"

"Trying to decide what to have for dinner" She is standing in front of her open freezer staring at the options.

"Let me guess, it's between frozen pizza and a turkey burger," he says in a teasing tone knowing those are the two things Kensi knows how to cook.

"Haha," she counters dryly trying not to give away that his guess is right on. "What are you having?"

"I was about to run to the store for a steak and some potatoes if you want to join me."

"We said we were going to stay at our own places tonight," Kensi tries to remind both of them even though she really wants to say yes and head on over. "We still have a lot to talk about," she adds.

"We can talk more easily if we're in the same room. I just want to hang out with my best friend. I'm still making up for lost time," he persuades sincerely.

She can't resist his charms, and she has really missed hanging out with him too. "Ok, but let me go to the store. I'm sure Monty has been missing you," she offers knowing how often he has had to leave Monty at the puppy hotel lately.

* * *

Kensi arrives an hour later with two grocery bags, which Deeks relieves her of as Monty attacks her with doggie love. She hasn't been to his place enough since she's been back from Afghanistan to make it routine for Monty to see her, so he does a happy dance around her legs and nuzzles her hand until she squats down and gives him the attention he desires.

"Hey buddy," she greets scratching his ears and kissing him. "How's my good boy? I missed you." She continues talking to him as he rolls on his back and she rubs his belly. "You're my good boy aren't you?"

As he unpacks groceries Deeks notes with pleasure that she uses 'my' when referring to Monty.

"Hey Kens?" he questions holding up red pepper flakes which were not on the grocery list.

She gets up from the floor and Monty follows her into the kitchen. "Can we have those spicy potato wedge things you made that one time?" she requests.

"Sure! You wash and slice and I'll season the steak and then the potatoes when you're done," he delegates jobs as he hands her potatoes.

They begin on their separate jobs, but it isn't long before Kensi feels his arms around her middle.

"Hi," she says sweetly and with a hint of wariness.

"Hi," he replies and kisses her cheek. He had intended to stop there, but her hair is pulled back and her neck is too inviting to pass up.

Kensi has to stop cutting and set down the knife or risk losing a finger, as the contrast of his soft lips and bristly scruff send warm tingles through her body. "Just want to hang out huh?" she teases as she leans back into him and tilts her head to the side to give him better access. Her hands caress the arms wrapped around her waist. It sure is nice to feel wanted.

"Sorry," he offers a mumbled apology against her neck for starting something they had already agreed not to start tonight. "I've missed you," he adds quietly in her ear before kissing her right above it. She knows he's not just talking about the last few hours and his honest admission makes her heart happy. It continues to perplex her that if he's missed her so much, then why was he not ready to go ahead with their relationship a few weeks ago. In fact she still senses hesitation in some ways from him now. Instead of delving into it at this moment, she turns in his arms and wraps her arms around his neck. "I missed you too." She mirrors his openness then presses her lips to his.

As they return to their kitchen duties Deeks teases Kensi about her cutting skills in order to take the mood from lust and desire to playful banter and friendship. "Are we going for small, medium, and large wedges? I mean I thought you were the one with the knife skills."

"You know I still have a knife in my hand right?" she returns playfully.

* * *

It was good to see Sabitino up and around," Deeks comments after swallowing a bite of steak. They had seen him at Hetty's hearing in Washington D. C.

"Yeah, I still feel bad about suspecting him," Kensi shares.

"You had to. You had no idea what the hell was really going on,"

"I'm just glad he made it out of there alive too."

Deeks knows she is thinking about those who were part of the rescue that didn't make it out. He tries to distract her from the guilt he knows she carries. "I'm glad he's alive, but I'm also glad you pissed him off enough that he doesn't flirt with you every chance he gets."

Kensi makes a face at Deeks and says, "Right, because I never have to deal with women flirting with you." He realizes he may have steered the conversation into dangerous territory and makes a quick subject change again.

After they clean up dinner they put in a movie, but Kensi is asleep within the first 20 minutes. Deeks pats her leg. "Are you staying?" he invites.

"Sure," she says sleepily. The long weekend of saving Callen and Sam, confronting Hetty, and sightseeing is catching up with her.

He finds a t-shirt and shorts for her to change into and a new toothbrush for her to use. She comes back from the bathroom in just the t-shirt.

"Jesus," he mutters under his breath as he climbs under the covers to cover up how turned on he is by Kensi wearing just his t-shirt. "Come here Monty," he commands. He doesn't usually let the dog on the bed, but this is a special circumstance. "You can be our doggie barrier," he adds as Monty jumps up on the bed and lies next to Deeks.

"Sorry," Kensi apologizes realizing she has Deeks pretty worked up. "The shorts weren't going to stay on…too big," she explains dropping them on the floor.

"That t-shirt isn't going to stay on if you don't get into bed right now," Deeks warns flashing back to the night before she was sent to Afghanistan when the bare, long legs he can't take his eyes off of were wrapped around him.

Kensi takes his statement as more of a promise than a warning and it takes her breath away how his words, the tone of his voice, and look he is giving her ignite her desire. She gets under the covers taking a deep breath. "I don't know if the bad idea was fooling around at the hotel, or not doing it now," she comments as she pets Monty instead of reaching out to Deeks.

"Probably the first," he replies honestly, "even though I know we both thoroughly enjoyed it. I still think slowing things down is a good idea. This is too important to screw up."

She nods in agreement and comments about Monty, "It's kind of like having a kid in bed with us."

"We never really finished our conversation about kids from a few weeks ago. You kind of sounded like you want them now?" Deeks inquires as he scratches Monty's head.

"I honestly think I could be happy either way. I do sometimes think that it would be a miraculous thing to experience having another life inside of me. I get the urge to have someone to take care of, to teach how to be a good person, and to pass things on to. On the other hand kids are the biggest responsibility a person can have, and with our jobs I just don't know."

Deeks listens intently thinking the first part of her answer is beautiful and he agrees with her on the second part. He knows one thing for sure, if he ever does have kids it will be with Kensi.

"The good thing about kids is when you have them you can get fun things like a swing-set."

"Oh, or a pool!" Kensi adds smiling as the conversation, like many they have, goes from serious to playful.

"Legos and Rock Em Sock Em Robots"

"An excuse to get ice cream from the ice cream truck"

Their hands collide in the middle of Monty's back and Deeks takes her hand in his intertwining their fingers. "See, this is why we get along so well," he comments very content that he, Kensi and Monty are sleeping under the same roof.

Kensi scoots over and leans in to place a tender kiss on his lips. "Goodnight Deeks," she says remembering all the nights in Afghanistan she had to say goodnight to his picture. She is so grateful to be alive and here with him now.

"Night Kensalina"

* * *

The next day is Memorial Day.

"Do you and Monty want to come for a walk with me?" Kensi asks after they've had breakfast and gotten dressed.

"Of course!" Deeks replies.

As soon as she pulls into the grocery store and says she needs flowers Deeks knows what they are doing. He can't believe she is about to share this with him and he is honored. As they walk along the path in the cemetery he slips his hand into hers.

When they reach the headstone that reads Donald Blye Kensi says "Hey dad, this is Deeks and Monty. You probably know about them already. At least I hope you do." She squeezes Deeks's hand after the last sentence. He gets the feeling she may want a moment alone with her dad so he lets go of her hand and gently rubs the small of her back as he expresses his appreciation of her sharing this with him. "Thank you for bringing me. We'll go for a walk and give you a minute."

As they walk away Kensi takes a seat in the grass. The rest of what she tells her dad takes place in her head. "So those are my two favorite boys in the world…or I should say my favorite man/mutt combo. I think you would like Deeks. I mean, he takes awhile to grow on you. You would probably think he's too sarcastic, too unconventional, and talks too much Bull Shit, but he's a really good man dad. He's good at his job. He always has my back. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone, except maybe you. He has good morals. He cares about people. He REALLY cares about me. He makes me laugh a lot. Sometimes when we are together I am so completely and thoroughly happy, a kind of happy I didn't know I would feel again. I hope you approve because I love him. I miss you dad. I wish you were here to spend today with us and to be honored for your service to this country. I love you."

Kensi finishes her thoughts to her father as Deeks and Monty make their way back to her. She watches them approach as she relaxes in the grass.

"Hey Sunshine, you ready or should we do another lap?"

She answers by reaching her hand out in request that he help her up.

He can see she is relaxed and smiling so he figures it is okay to ask as he bumps her shoulder, "So does he approve?"

"How do you know I was talking to him about you?" she challenges.

"How could you not?" He juts his chin out and puffs out his chest as he says it.

"Ha," she dismisses his proclamation. "Not sure about dad, but the important thing is that I approve." She slips her arm around his waist as they continue to walk.

"Even more importantly are Sam and Callen going to approve?" Deeks wonders aloud with mock trepidation.

"We could find out this afternoon, but I think I prefer to keep you alive a little while longer," she teases him.

* * *

"Alright, I want my old partner back," Deeks declares later that afternoon in the Dodger Stadium parking lot. He's down 2 games to 0 in bags against Callen and Sam. "Beale you're benched. Kensi, let's go. You're back in the game."

"Not now, too relaxed," she replies. Deeks looks over to see her leaning back in her lawn chair with her feet up on the cooler eyes closed and face turned up toward the sun. She does look relaxed so he doesn't pester her about playing.

"Nell?" he tries.

"I'm with Kensi," she declines.

"I'll bail you out," Michelle offers abandoning her own lawn chair.

With her mom and dad both occupied with the beanbag game, Sam and Michelle's daughter Sierra turns her attention to Kensi.

"Kensi?" Sierra requests her attention shyly.

"Yeah sweetie," Kensi brings her head up and focuses on the little girl.

"When are you going to babysit for me again?"

"Whenever you want," she replies patting her lap offering Sierra the option of snuggling up like they do when she babysits. Sierra climbs on and rests her head against Kensi's shoulder. "I missed you and Deeks missed you too. He tried to be funny and sing and play at Christmas, but he was different because you weren't there." As she listens to the little girl talk, Kensi focuses her attention on Deeks. At the moment his cocky side is shining through as he taunts Sam, but Kensi knows the soft and sensitive side that Sierra is referring to. If Deeks missed her anywhere near as much as she missed him, she knows that what Sierra observed is true and this makes her heart swell for him even more. Sierra continues, "I don't think you should go away again. I don't like when you or daddy or mommy go away."

So much for relaxing and no worries Kensi thinks as she wraps her arms around Sierra and her conversation with Deeks about kids from the night before enters the forefront of her mind. "I missed all of you so much, especially at Christmas. It will be better next year. We're all together now, so let's go play," she encourages picking Sierra up and setting her on her feet as she gets up from the chair. "Sierra and I play winners," she announces as she grabs a cookie from the table of tailgating food to split with the little girl.

* * *

"You have to hold Kensi's hand," Sierra insists trying to force Deeks and Kensi's hands together as they walk into the stadium a little while later. Deeks throws Kensi a frantic 'what do we do now?' look. Kensi just raises her eyebrows and gives him a playful smile, which is no help.

"What? Why?" Deeks asks nervously.

"Because you love each other," she replies simply, shocking both Kensi and Deeks with her remark. Kensi feels her face flush and Deeks avoids eye contact with both Kensi and Sierra.

"How about if we each hold one of your hands," Deeks tries to placate the little girl. That works for about a minute before she brings their hands together again.

Deeks holds Kensi's hand loosely in his. Both desperately want to glance back and see if any of their friends are paying attention to all this, but they don't dare.

"What do you think Michelle, are they together?" Callen asks nodding toward Kensi and Deeks. "Your husband here still doesn't believe it."

"No," Sam argues. "I said I think they are reevaluating."

"I think our daughter thinks they are together." Michelle tries to stay out of whatever Sam and Callen are up to regarding Deeks and Kensi. "And you both better behave if they are together," she warns. "Neither of you have any right to give them hell."

* * *

Later that night after the game when Deeks drops Kensi off at her apartment they make a date for the next night after work. The workday is pleasantly quiet and drama free. Deeks arrives on Kensi's doorstep at 6:30 to pick her up.

"Hi," she says with a shy smile as she lets Deeks in. He looks really good in khaki pants and a blue shirt that brings out his eyes. "I'm almost ready," she continues suddenly feeling a bit nervous as it begins to feel like a real first date.

"These are for you." Deeks holds out a bouquet of yellow daisies to her. "I know you don't like flowers, but I wanted to bring you something."

"I love these flowers," she assures him noting the sunshine reference with the yellow.

She doesn't own a vase, so she finds a water glass for the flowers then promises, "be right back," as she disappears to add some lip gloss and gather her purse.

"You look beautiful," Deeks expresses when she returns to her living room. She's wearing a red halter sundress with white polka dots. Her hair is down with small pieces from each side pulled back into twists and clipped in the back.

"Thank you and thank you for the flowers."

"I was thinking we could go for dinner at the Promenade and then maybe head to the pier or the beach," Deeks shares his idea also a little bit nervous about the night.

"Sounds good," Kensi agrees grabbing a sweater in case it's a little cooler right on the ocean.

* * *

"Want to take a spin on the Ferris Wheel?" Deeks asks after they've had a nice dinner and the nerves from earlier have worn off.

"Love to," she replies.

As they watch the sun set into the Pacific Ocean from the top of the Santa Monica Pier Ferris Wheel Deeks puts his arm around her thinking that this is a perfect moment. She snuggles against him enjoying a romantic ride with her love and he kisses the top of her head.

After the ride they play some arcade games.

"Oh, and Kensi wins again!" she exclaims raising her arms in triumph as the tickets pour out of the Skee-Ball machine.

"Step over to my court sweetheart," Deeks taunts motioning to the basketball shoot game. Deeks earns more tickets in basketball, but then she challenges him to the water pistol boat races. She beats him in 3 of 5 games. He grumbles about being better at shooting moving targets and she teases him about being a sore loser.

"You can go pick out something with our tickets and I'll go get us some ice cream," Kensi suggests when they are done playing.

Deeks finds her on a bench outside the arcade with a third of the ice cream gone.

"Here you go." Deeks holds out a small stuffed tiger as he approaches and she hands him the ice cream.

"This is what we get for 400 tickets," Kensi comments turning the small stuffed animal over in her hands supposing that they just spent $40 for an hour of fun rather than a prize.

"It was this or a yo-yo and he reminded me of you," Deeks defends his decision as he sits down beside her.

"I like him," Kensi decides realizing that Deeks picked the tiger because of one of the other nicknames he has for her. "He kind of looks like Tony the Tiger. Remember how big he was with Frosted Flakes when we were little?"

"I do," he replies taking another bite of ice cream before handing it back to her.

He walks her to her door when he takes her home.

"It was a wonderful night. Thank you. I would invite you in, but I think…"

"Yeah, I'm going to say goodnight here," Deeks helps her out when she doesn't know exactly what to say. "I had a great time too, so I say we call this our official first date. The one we tell our ki…other people about when they ask." Kensi catches the fact that he almost said our kids and somehow it makes her even happier instead of freaking her out. She knew deep down he always wanted kids, but she also knows the past year has him a little rattled.

"You better bring it next time. You know how I feel about second dates," she teases placing her hands on his waist and drawing him closer to put him at ease since he looks a little frazzled after his near slip of the tongue.

"How do you feel about being kissed goodnight on the first date?" he asks bringing his hands to her cheeks as his lips hover over hers. It's a rhetorical question as his lips close in on hers. By the third kiss, her lips part allowing him to deepen the kiss. One of his hands slides down her arm and around to her back holding her close. She slides her hands around to caress his back as they explore different angles.

"Definitely okay with being kissed on the first date," she compliments softly before giving him one last lingering kiss. "Night Deeks," she says as she slowly slips her arms from around him.

"Night Kens. See you tomorrow."

When she gets inside she sets the tiger on the nightstand next her bed. She goes to her closet and dumps a pair of shoes out of a shoebox onto the floor. She places in the box her Ferris Wheel ticket, an arcade game ticket, and the receipt from dinner, which she had swiped from Deeks's pocket when they were making out on her porch. She could never tell him what she wants the receipt for. Feeling a bit silly as she does it, she grabs a marker and writes their names on the box with a heart around them.

* * *

Thursday evening they go out again. Deeks wants Kensi to choose the date place, but she passes the decision back to him. He has been feeling like he's been neglecting Monty lately so he makes dinner at his place and then they go to a park near his house that has a band on Thursday nights during the summer.

Kensi spreads out the blanket and keeps an eye on Monty while Deeks gets them each a beer. On one hand there are so many conversations she wants to have with Deeks about how they are going to balance a relationship and their job, but on the other hand it's their second real date and she knows she just needs to relax and enjoy it. The right time will come to figure everything out. When Deeks returns he hands her a glass of beer and sits down beside her. They fall into easy conversation about the music they are listening to, then venture off into favorite bands they listened to growing up. After finishing his beer Deeks lies on his back on the blanket resting his head on Kensi's thigh. She runs her fingers through his hair as she enjoys the music and the summer evening. Monty stirs so Deeks reaches over into his bag and grabs a ball to throw to him. He wants so badly for this to be his life for the rest of his life.

They end the evening with a mind blowing kiss at her car before she drives home. The next evening they go out with their colleagues to celebrate a week where no one was shot at and nothing blew up. Saturday morning they go surfing. They make plans for later in the afternoon. Deeks tells her to wear hiking clothes, but won't tell her exactly what they are doing.

Around the time Deeks is supposed to pick her up she hears a motorcycle in the parking lot. She knows that no one in her building owns one, so she walks out to the parking lot to see what is going on. Deeks has just removed his helmet.

"Hi," she says with a questioning look as she walks up and gives him a kiss hello.

"Hi," he replies leaning down and stealing a second kiss.

"How did you get this back?" she asks more curious than concerned.

"I'm a detective. I detected until I found it," he says cheekily as he dismounts the bike. She rolls her eyes at his nonsense. He looks around the parking lot for her bike and not seeing it asks, "Where's yours?"

"It was mysteriously missing when I got back from Afghanistan," she answers with a mixture of annoyance and resignation.

"I figure while the cat's away…" Deeks begins with a devilish smile and gleam in his eye.

"the mice will play," Kensi finishes.

"So what do you say Kensi Marie Blye, feel like being rebellious with me tonight?" Deeks proposes, secretly glad that Hetty took her bike. This will be even better than his original plan.

She doesn't give him an answer except for a mischievous smile. As she returns to her apartment for her helmet she knows she is doing it to make Deeks happy, and she has been finding out more and more how much she enjoys doing things that make him happy. She is also doing it because as much as it is confusing or hard for her to admit, the thought of riding on the back of Deeks's motorcycle excites her.

"That's my girl," Deeks whoops when Kensi returns with a helmet and leather jacket.

As they ride through the canyons outside of Los Angeles Deeks relishes the feeling of her arms wrapped tightly around him and her thighs pressed against his. He wants to go faster and take the curves a little sharper, but he takes it easy first because he's not going to take a chance with her safety and second because he wants to prove to her he's not reckless. Eventually Deeks shuts down the motorcycle in front of a house in a neighborhood up in the hills.

"Where are we?" Kensi asks after removing her helmet. She can see the early evening sun reflecting off the ocean between the houses. Both dismount the bike. "Whose house is this?"

Deeks gives her a nervous smile.

"You bought a house!" she exclaims in wonder.

"Not exactly…LAPD confiscated it and the bank foreclosed on it. I got it for way below market value. I might just fix it up and sell it, or I might keep it if I can swing the taxes," he explains as they walk toward the house.

Monty meets them at the front door which opens to a living room. After surfing with Kensi that morning Deeks had taken Monty with him to do a little work on the house. Off the living room is a hallway with a bathroom and two bedrooms. Kensi discovers that the house is built into the side of a hill and downstairs there is a kitchen, family room, and master bedroom with master bath. Deeks shows her the cabinets in the kitchen that Sam custom built and Deeks sanded and finished.

"This is amazing!" Kensi gushes as she runs her fingers along the grooves in the cabinets and over the countertops. "The colors in here are beautiful!"

"This is the only room that is completely finished," he continues feeling proud that Kensi seems so impressed. "This and the deck," he says opening the sliding door in the kitchen to show her the deck. He shares that Sam, Michelle, Callen, Eric, and Nell all helped with the deck as she takes in the expansive yard that eventually leads to a cliff overlooking the ocean.

"What is it?" Deeks asks noticing that Kensi has gotten quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks. "I feel like I missed so much," she expresses feeling a little emotional about all the time she missed with her friends and especially with Deeks when she was in Afghanistan.

"I know," Deeks soothes reaching for her hand and holding it between his. "That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to overwhelm you with things that you missed out on while you were gone. I needed this though. It gave me something besides work to focus on. It kept me from going completely crazy with worry and helped keep the dark, bad thoughts at bay."

"I get it," she assures him as she reaches up and wraps her free arm around his neck, needing to hold him close and wanting to be held by him. She wants to make the pain of the last year go away for both of them.

He lets go of her hand and wraps his arms around her. "There's still plenty of work to do around here," he says lightly trying to brighten the mood. "We could start now if you want. There's paint in the garage," he teases.

She pulls back from the hug enough to give him an 'I don't think so' look.

"No, okay… dinner sound like a better idea?"

She smiles and he says knowingly, "I thought so," before dropping a kiss on her lips.

They return to the kitchen where he has white wine, cheese, and grapes chilling in the fridge. Kensi slices the cheese while he slices some bread. They take their little meal with a blanket to the edge of the yard.

Deeks waits until they've had a chance to eat and their first glass of wine is almost gone before he kisses her. Things heat up quickly and soon she is lying on her back with him on his side. One hand holds his weight while the other caresses the side of her torso under her shirt. As they continue to kiss his thumb rubs circles on her stomach before slipping under the waistband of her jeans. She reaches for his hip and tries to coax him on top of her desperate for more contact.

"I want you," she gets out quickly between kisses. "I don't want to take things slow. Seven months is slow enough." Deeks thinks these might be the best words he's ever heard. She opens her eyes to find his are also filled with need and desire.

"This has been the longest seven months of my life," he shares before kissing her passionately. He's practically shaking with anticipation already. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but are we sure?"

"Yes, we're going to make this work no matter what. As long as it's what you want too," she says confidently as she caresses his cheek. She knows now that there is no option for her here except to go for it with her whole heart. She's in too deep already.

"More than anything," he assures her lovingly and kisses her tenderly this time.

"Let's go inside," she urges pushing herself to a sitting position.

"No furniture," he reminds her. "I want you in my bed."

She uses his shoulders to help her stand up on quivering legs as she remembers the last time he said something similar and she ended up in his bed. They clean up quickly. Deeks puts his motorcycle in the garage and pulls out his truck. She and Monty hop in while he locks up the house.

"Ready?" he asks flashing her a smile when he sees she's in the middle seat instead of all the way across the cab. After he pulls out of the driveway, she places her hand on his knee. She glides her fingers up and down his thigh until Deeks can't take it anymore and he reaches down to take her hand in his. It takes all of his restraint not to speed.

Later that night Kensi holds him tightly to her.

"You okay?" Deeks questions wanting to make sure the whole experience was good for her, but also a seeing in her eyes and sensing in her touch that something is upsetting her. He presses a kiss to her shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm great," she replies trailing her fingers up his back. "It's irrational, but I'm afraid…you know…for tomorrow."

Even though she isn't completely explaining her feelings, Deeks understands that she fears that like after the last time they made love something bad is going to happen to them. He rolls onto his side bringing her with him. "Tomorrow is Sunday and we are not on call and I plan on keeping you in this bed all day," he tries to reassure her as he plays with her hair. "But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a foreboding feeling myself. I still feel like it's my fault you were there."

"You know that's not true," she reminds him rubbing his arm. She hates that he's felt guilty for so long about their first night together.

"I know, like you said…irrational. But, just in case, should anyone call and ask you to go to some war-torn country, please tell them to go to hell."

"I have a better idea. Let's just not answer our phones," she suggests as she wraps her arm around him and leans in for a kiss.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome.


	6. Work Related Fears

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 6: **Work Related Fears

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters

**Summary: **This chapter begins around three weeks after chapter 5. Some serious stuff but also a lot of Densi fluff. It's summer, which to me feels like a good time for fluff!

* * *

**Work Related Fears**

"This sucks," an unhappy Deeks comments into his comm. He tries to suppress the anger bubbling inside by telling himself that this was the plan and sometimes it is her job to flirt to get information.

"Relax," Kensi replies to him. It is also a suggestion to the guy she's been working for information for the last few days. She places a comforting hand on the jumpy target's knee. She continues sweetly to the target as she bats her eyelashes, "You seem to have a lot on your mind. You can tell me anything you know. I'm a good listener."

After a little more talking, Deeks hears kissing and nearly loses it. He clenches his fist wanting very badly to march into the bar and deck the guy kissing his girlfriend. Kensi doesn't get all the information she needs, but she can tell she is gaining the target's trust and makes a date with the guy for that evening.

As soon as she's in the car Deeks yanks out his comm, throws it into the backseat, and peels out onto the road. After she manages to get her seatbelt on and turns off her own comm, she looks over at him and sees the tension in his face and arms. His anger throws Kensi a little off balance as she has rarely seen him this upset over something. The fact that he is even angry about this makes her want to lash out because they both knew this would be a complication of trying to balance a relationship and their jobs. She keeps her anger at bay by thinking about how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

"So we need to talk about this," she says calmly, trying to sooth Deeks as he slams on the brakes at a stop sign keeping his attention on the road.

"Was it really necessary to kiss him?" he questions her judgment as he takes off again.

"You really think I would if I didn't have to?" she asks hurt by his accusation. "We are starting to run out of time on this case. If these guys get wind that we are onto them, they will go underground again. This guy knows something, or knows somebody who knows something," she reasons. "And for the record, he kissed me," she jabs with an edge to her tone.

"Sorry," he apologizes, disappointed in himself for questioning her in a moment of anger and jealousy. He slows the car down and stops driving so erratically. "It just drives me crazy to think of your hands and lips on someone else," he admits still upset, but wanting to convey that he's not angry with her, but with the situation.

"I don't like it either." She's talking about both having to do it and having to watch him do it. "It won't completely solve the problem, but it might be a good idea to set some ground rules for this type of situation," she suggests.

"Ok," he agrees looking over at her for the first time since she got in the car. Kensi notices the edges of his mouth turn up in the beginnings of a smile. "Ground rule number one should be you always go undercover as a nun."

Kensi returns his smile and shakes her head.

* * *

A few days later Kensi and Nell are shopping for lingerie for the bachelorette party for one of their coworkers.

"What do you think of this?" Kensi asks holding up a pink and black bra and panty set with just a little lace. She's thinking of buying something for herself since listening to her flirt and make out with another man doesn't exactly put Deeks in the mood.

"It's cute, but I think we have more than enough for Lisa," Nell replies.

"It's ah…not for Lisa actually." Kensi tries to hide her telling smile, but is not able to conceal how happy she is.

"Oh," Nell realizes what Kensi is sharing yet not sharing. "So you and Deeks are actually together?" Nell was pretty sure that after Deeks left the bar that night she'd had a little chat with him, and after he and Kensi spent the weekend in Washington D. C. together that they would be together, but with Kensi and Deeks you never know.

"We're not really talking about it," Kensi tells her.

"You and Deeks aren't talking about it, or you and I aren't talking about it?" Nell asks for clarification.

"That depends…are you our boss?" Kensi asks half teasing half serous.

"I think we're our own boss right now. I guess Granger technically is, but who knows where he is this week."

"We're not really talking about it with other people until we have the partner/relationship thing figured out, but Deeks told me you sort of knew already."

"I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks, now do I want cute?" Kensi asks holding up the pink and black lingerie again, "or should I go with something sexier?"

"That's both cute and sexy. It's you," Nell assures her.

* * *

Kensi is a little disappointed Deeks is already home from working on his house when she gets to his apartment after shopping with Nell. She had been thinking about surprising him with her new purchase.

"Hi, how was shopping?" Deeks asks from his position on the couch when she walks in.

"Good, what did you and the guys get done at the house?" she asks setting her bag down and sitting on the coffee table to talk to him.

"Ripped out some carpeting and tile...basically destroyed things," he tells her resting the book he was reading on his chest. "It was awesome! Sierra was a good Monty babysitter. She wants us to come see her Little League team march in the 4th of July parade," Deeks informs her.

"Sounds like fun," she replies. This reminds her that she also has a Fourth of July offer to tell him about. "So my mom called yesterday. She and Robert invited me to come over for a barbecue on the 4th," she begins a bit nervously. "I was wondering if you'd want to come?" She suddenly has butterflies in her stomach knowing that she'll be disappointed if he doesn't want to.

"As your partner or as your boyfriend?" he asks for clarification since he's gone to dinner at her mom's before. He'll go either way. He just wants to know where her head is now that they've been dating for about a month.

"Both?" Expressing the word as a question embodies the worry and hope she feels. Deeks smiles because she is incredibly adorable when she is uncertain and vulnerable in trying to express her feelings.

"Your mom is going to be so excited," he comments. "She loves me."

"I know. I have visions of you two ganging up on me," she replies, excited that he wants to come with her and share with her mom that they are together.

"Come here," he requests reaching up and placing a hand on her cheek. "I'm in this all the way Kens," he assures her as she leans over to kiss him.

"Look at us making plans and being all domestic," she remarks.

"And," he prompts.

"And it's nice," she says happily as she places another soft kiss on his lips.

"Yeah, it is," he agrees.

She stands up and picks up her bag.

"Where are you going?"

"To put on something a little less domestic," she flirts swinging the bag.

"Wait what? That's not for Lisa?" he asks intrigued and excited, springing up to follow her.

She turns and puts her hand up to stop him, knowing that if he follows her into the bedroom the probability that she actually gets to put on the lingerie is pretty low. "Give me five minutes. I promise it will be worth the wait."

* * *

"I'm so happy!" Julia gushes a week later as she opens her arms to Deeks. "I've been telling Kensi for years that you two would make a great couple." After he hugs her mom Deeks throws Kensi a cheeky 'see, I told you' look. "He's a good one," Julia approves as she hugs Kensi.

"You're going to give him a big head," Kensi chides playfully.

"Kensi Marie, I'm allowed to say as many wonderful things about this man as I want to," Julia admonishes, but with a lightness to her tone. She takes Deeks's arm and ushers them into the house as she adds, "He brought you home to me."

Now it's Kensi's turn to look around her mom to give the 'see, I told you' look to Deeks. She usually does a good job of hiding it, but by the time they get to the kitchen Deeks notices her expression has changed and he knows Julia's mention of Afghanistan has taken Kensi's mind to a dark place. He doesn't want to go there right now, and he doesn't want her to go there, so to bring her back he gives her a playful bump and whispers teasingly in her ear, "You got middle named." She laughs as her mom hands her a drink and her festive mood returns as the dark thoughts are pushed aside.

* * *

A few nights later the first notes of the song _Good Vibrations _startle Kensi out of a deep sleep. Deeks is on a Beach Boys kick this summer. She is in the same position she fell asleep in, which is spooning Deeks, so she shakes his arm a little to wake him and mumbles sleepily, "It's yours." He reaches for the phone on the nightstand, opens it, and falls back against his pillow as he puts it to his ear.

"Go for Deeks," he greets the caller sleepily as Kensi slides her hand from his arm around to his chest and kisses his shoulder.

"We've got a case," Callen informs Deeks. "Eric is sending the address to your phone. Call Kensi and let her know. I'm getting in the car to head to the scene."

"You're not in the car. You're afraid to wake her up," Deeks accuses. "It's okay I'll take on sleep deprived Kensi," he continues, playing the martyr. "I'll call her and pick her up. We know how she drives during the day. I don't think we should expose the poor, unsuspecting people of Los Angeles to her night driving."

Callen hears a grunt and wonders if Kensi just elbowed Deeks in the ribs. "Get moving," he mandates, now trying to erase the image of Kensi and Deeks in bed together.

As soon as he hangs up the phone, Kensi gives his earlobe a playful nip then warns, "You are in so much trouble." Her sultry tone leaves him more excited than afraid.

"I was just vamping a cover for why we would be arriving together," he innocently remarks as he rolls onto his back and she pushes herself up and straddles him. He places a hand on her hip and his thumb moves in soothing circles.

"And you had to insult my driving and my mood when I'm tired," she looms over him giving him a hard time for teasing her.

"I also bought us 20 minutes," he accentuates the positive as he reaches up and places a hand behind her head bringing her lips to his.

"You're not getting off that easily," she informs him smiling wickedly as she pulls away to keep him from kissing her again. "I'm driving."

"How do we explain you driving if I'm picking you up?" he wonders as she runs her hands over his chest and shoulders and finally his neck as she leans in close.

"I don't know. You're so good at covers," she taunts cheekily as she closes the distance between them for another kiss.

"Crap," she swears a moment later. "Deeks, stop," she demands pulling away again.

"What? What's wrong?" he asks.

"I don't have clothes here," she reveals the problem as she tries to scramble off the bed.

"No, no, no," he utters his displeasure at having to put a halt to their early morning activities as he grabs for her leg and misses, trying to make her stay. "Are you sure you don't have something you wore a couple days ago?" he suggests optimistically.

"No, common, now we have to hurry," she orders as grumpy, sleep deprived Kensi makes her appearance and she throws his pants at him.

"You could keep some stuff at my place," Deeks suggests as he drives to her place so she can change into fresh clothes. "That way we won't have to drive around town in the middle of the night again, or you won't have to run home in the morning anymore."

"Okay," Kensi agrees. With this simple exchange they enter a new phase of their relationship. She'd offer him a drawer at her place, but he never really stays with her because it's easier to keep Monty at his own place.

* * *

Twenty-four hours later it is the middle of the night and they are in the middle of working the case they'd been called in on the night before. Granger has just ordered everyone to find a spot in ops to catch a nap. Sam claimed the couch, and the only one brave enough to challenge him was Callen who lost the coin toss anyway.

Kensi and Deeks make their way to the gym. They lie down a few feet apart from each other on the fall mat under the climbing wall. Ten minutes later Kensi changes positions for the fifteenth time and is now facing Deeks again. She rests her head on her arm and sighs.

"Why can't you sleep?" Deeks asks genuinely.

"I don't know. The case has my mind spinning I guess. You?"

"You know how I feel about pillows," he says patting the too flat surface of the mat.

"You could come over here," Kensi suggests tugging at the blanket she found to show Deeks there is room.

"Can I?" he asks looking around like he's afraid Hetty or Granger are lurking in a corner.

"They are all asleep. I'll set my alarm for 10 minutes early," she encourages.

Deeks scoots next to her. He removes his sweatshirt and rolls it up to use as a pillow. Kensi gives him hers too. It's freezing in the gym, but she figures Deeks's body heat will make up for it. He lies back on the sweatshirts. Kensi puts her head on his chest and arranges the blanket over them. It's a small blanket so she curls up to his side and wraps one leg over him and one arm. Deeks smiles into her hair and kisses the top of her head loving the feel of his starfish wrapped around him.

"It wasn't the pillows I was missing," he says softly as his hand slides under her t-shirt to caress the smooth skin of her lower back.

The man has a way with words Kensi thinks as her heart flutters. "I was missing mine," she returns his sentiment as she turns her head slightly to kiss her pillow. As Deeks relaxes and his breathing evens out, Kensi is also able to clear her mind and fall asleep.

Callen sleeps for a few minutes, but he has never really been good at resting. He goes up to ops to check on Nell and Eric. They both have their heads resting on their arms asleep at their desks. Kaleidoscope and facial recognition are still running without any hits. He moves on and finds Granger resting on Hetty's mat, feet hanging way off the edge. Sam is snoring on the couch, but he notices there is no sign of Kensi and Deeks. He wonders if they are sleeping in one of their cars since Kensi is always freezing in the mission at night.

Callen decides a light workout might help his brain sort out this case and it might boost his energy. He is about to turn the lights on in the gym when he notices a two person sized lump on the fall mat and he realizes he found Kensi and Deeks, a very close Kensi and Deeks from what he can see. Somehow from the very beginning he knew this was an eventuality. He really hopes that now that it is reality that Kensi and Deeks can balance their relationship and partnership.

* * *

After weeks of surveillance by the guys, and Kensi working her target for information, the team is finally ready to raid a warehouse and arrest the bad guys. During the raid Kensi's weapon jams. "I need cover!" she shouts to the guys as she ducks behind a pole to grab her backup weapon from her ankle. Callen and Deeks both shoot at guys who are shooting at Kensi, giving her enough time to grab her weapon and get her bearings.

"Deeks 5 o-clock!," Kensi shouts as backup for the bad guys come barging through the doors. Deeks turns enough that the bullet grazes his forearm. It distracts him enough that he takes a bullet to the stomach. Luckily he has a vest on, but he still gets knocked on his ass. Sam takes out the guy that shot Deeks.

"Deeks!" Kensi shouts panicked. She hadn't seen where the bullets hit, but she'd seen him go down.

"I'm good," Deeks assures them. "I can still shoot." He pops back up as NCIS and LAPD backup arrive. The remaining bad guys surrender. Everyone begins clearing weapons and arresting the bad guys.

"Stop being an idiot and let me see your arm," an unhappy Kensi demands as Deeks kicks a weapon away from a dead guy.

"I'm good," he assures her bending down to check the pulse on another guy. "I'll see the medic when we have the scene cleared."

"You're not good. You're an idiot," she reiterates her go to for name calling.

"You asked for cover. I gave you cover. How does that make me an idiot?" Deeks pushes knowing that she's lashing out to cover her fear. He stands up and faces her.

"Callen was on it," she argues taking a step toward him.

"He took out one guy. The other one was about to take you out," he counters bluntly.

"Well…well…you were shot," she stutters letting the fear show through more than the anger now as she struggles to come up with a counter argument.

"Yeah, it's happened before and it will probably happen again. Flesh wound," he says holding up his arm. "And, I was wearing a vest."

"Stop being so damn cavalier about it," she demands feeling like he's not taking what just happened seriously enough.

"Like you wouldn't be?" he retorts.

Kensi lets out a frustrated huff.

Callen has been listening to this unfold since all three of them still have their comms open. He decides his two cents may help clear this up without any bloodshed or anyone sleeping on the couch tonight. As he passes by Callen orders, "Kensi, ease up, he didn't do anything wrong. Deeks, stop being cavalier and get over to the medic."

"Was that?" Deeks asks.

"Scary," Kensi answers.

"I was going to say Hetty-like. Come on," Deeks requests leading Kensi out of the warehouse and toward one of the ambulances on scene.

Once his arm is bandaged and they are alone for a minute in the back of the ambulance Deeks reaches over for one of Kensi's hands.

"As long as I am breathing, I am always going to protect you. I will make smart decisions and try not to let emotion into it, but I will not apologize for it. It's instinct. It has been for a long time now."

She looks down at their joined hands wondering if they really will be able to keep the emotion out of the field. She nods in understanding of what he is saying and adds, "I'm always going to be looking out for you too."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he responds squeezing her hand.

* * *

Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome.


	7. Past Fears, Present Fears

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 7: **Past Fears, Present Fears

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters. Also, I do not own John Legend's "All of Me." The song reminded me of Kensi and Deeks practically since the first time I heard it. The wedding scene has been floating around in my head for some time.

**Summary: **This chapter begins later the same day where Chapter 6 left off. These are little scenes between Kensi and Deeks that help them work through the fears and issues they have about being together. I am trying to write about both Kensi and Deeks's fears, but I am finding out as I write this that we know a lot more about Kensi than we do about Deeks. While I am inventing new stories about their characters, I am trying to use tidbits of information from the show to base those stories off of. I hope we get to learn more about Deeks in season 6.

* * *

**Past Fears, Present Fears**

"You going to share some of that with me?" Deeks asks nodding toward the pint of ice cream Kensi is quietly devouring on the other side of the couch.

"I bought you your own pint," Kensi replies before taking another bite.

"If one of us gets up to get it, I have to stop doing this," he reasons, as the thumb of his good arm presses against the arch of her foot. "Plus, I did get shot today," he adds playing the sympathy card.

"You were grazed," she tries to tease about it and play it off as he has been, even though she is having much deeper and troubled feelings about the events of the day.

"I have a bruise," he whines petulantly, lifting up his shirt so she can see the black and purple mark where the bullet hit the vest protecting his abdomen from more serious damage.

"Want me to kiss it better?" she humors him as she opens her arms.

He shifts across the couch between her legs and settles against her chest. Her arms wrap around him and a spoonful of ice cream appears in front of his mouth.

"Thank you," he says in appreciation after enjoying the offered bite. "Now, are you going to tell me what feelings you are eating in this pint of ice cream?"

"I'm not…" the lie is automatic even though she knows she is caught. Talking about feelings seems much tougher than drowning them in ice cream.

Deeks reaches up for her arm and maneuvers it so he can peer into the pint of ice cream. "Um hmm," he utters showing his disbelief in her statement as he sees she is nearly to the bottom of the pint. She relinquishes the pint and spoon to him and lets her hands wander over his chest while he finishes off the ice cream. He places the spoon into the empty pint and sets it on the coffee table. "I'm good Kens. I didn't break my promise. I'm not going anywhere," Deeks reassures her, resting a cold hand on her knee. He hopes to get her to talk to him a bit. He knows something about today is still bothering her.

"I know," she replies dropping a kiss in his hair and wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. After a few minutes of silence he knows she isn't going to, or isn't able to, voice more of her feelings at this time.

* * *

In a deep sleep later that night Kensi is having a nightmare. She found Deeks and he was hurt, but then suddenly he is gone and she can't find him. She knows he's hurt and needs her, but she can't get to him.

"Deeks!" she screams desperate to find him. She screams his name again and bolts straight up in bed. Her heart is pounding and she hears blood rushing in her ears.

Usually Deeks is a pretty heavy sleeper, but he is instantly awake with her first scream. In his hurry to find her in the darkness, he rolls on his grazed arm causing some minor pain.

"It's okay. I've got you," he soothes gathering her in his arms, ignoring the pain to hold her tightly against his chest. Monty had also jumped to attention at the sound of her first scream. Seeing his master has things under control, he turns a circle and lies down next to the bed again.

Deeks feels her heart racing as she clings to him. The desperation of the embrace reminds him of Afghanistan. Even though she has never had a nightmare in his presence before, and hasn't told him about any, he asks as he strokes her hair, "Was it about Afghanistan?"

"No," she replies as he lies back bringing her with him. His good arm is under her head and wrapped around her. The injured one rests on his stomach, his hand gently holding onto her arm which is also resting there.

"What was it about?" He tries to coax her into telling him more with a soft kiss on her forehead.

"You were hurt and I couldn't find you," she explains, then presses her lips to his neck feeling his pulse under them and takes in his scent to reassure herself that he is here and okay. "It felt so real," she adds, her stomach still feeling heavy with fear. "The thought of losing you terrifies me. I don't know if I could handle it," she admits what had been on her mind since Deeks had been shot at earlier that day. She is finding it easier to open up in their dark bedroom in the middle of the night. Truthfully this fear of losing him has existed since shortly after they became partners. It's just now she wouldn't just be losing another partner and someone she cares about. She would be losing the person she loves most in the world.

"Believe me, I know the feeling. When I thought I lost you, I didn't handle it very well." He reveals a tiny part of the secret he's been holding as his thumb rubs back and forth over her hip bone.

"We can't quit our jobs. What do we do?" She honestly doesn't know how they are going to handle the danger of their jobs as their relationship continues to grow and they become more connected and more emotionally involved.

"Other people have dangerous jobs," Deeks reasons. "We try to be as safe as we can. I know I don't plan on going back on my promise. You?" he asks moving his hand to caress her back.

"No, but it's not just the fact that we could die. I don't think I could sacrifice your safety again in order to complete a mission."

"When did you…?" Deeks seeks clarification.

"Sidorov," she explains relieved to finally feel secure enough to be vulnerable and share how awful she felt having to leave him after he'd been tortured, and her fear that her feelings for him may compromise her ability to do her job.

"I knew you didn't want to," Deeks assures her as he places his hand over hers. "Maybe it's time we tell the guys or Hetty." He doesn't know how he's going to be able to keep his head the next time she is in danger. He's hoping Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric, or Hetty will be there to talk him through it and reason with him.

"I don't know. I don't want them to say we can't be partners. I don't want to lose what we have there. I will never trust anyone as much as I trust you."

"I feel the same, but chances are someday things are going to have to change," Deeks says. So much thinking has made him tired and he yawns.

"Not yet, okay?" she requests rubbing his shoulder. She's not willing to give up their partnership yet. If they aren't partners anymore and their relationship doesn't work out, then there is a possibility he might not be in her life at all anymore, and that is not an option for her.

"Okay," he agrees.

"Let's get some sleep." Even though they haven't resolved anything, just talking to Deeks has helped lessen Kensi's anxiety about the day's events.

* * *

About a week later Deeks knocks on Kensi's apartment door and lets himself in. She had left it unlocked knowing he was coming over. They had finished a case too late to pick Monty up from puppy daycare, so they decided to spend the night at Kensi's.

"Hey," Kensi greets from the couch. "Pizza is on the way."

It's Friday night, but they are both tired so they decided to stay in and do pizza and a movie.

"Hey," Deeks replies setting a four pack of bottled beer on the coffee table. He sits down next to her noticing that she had showered and changed into lounging clothes too.

"What are we watching?" he asks wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Pretty Woman," she replies as his fingers play with her wet hair.

"You smell good," he comments nuzzling her neck, finding something much more interesting than a movie to focus his attention on.

"Mmmm," she sighs as his lips travel up her neck and his hand slides from her hair down toward her breast. After they kiss a few times the weariness from the day she'd been feeling earlier is forgotten, and she turns and straddles him. As his tongue strokes hers, she tries to relieve him of his shirt.

Deeks chuckles and nips at her top lip when she succeeds. "I'm all for naked pizza and movie night, but maybe we should wait until the pizza actually gets here," he teases.

"You started it," she reminds him giving him a taste of his own medicine as her lips go for his neck and she presses her hips against his pelvis.

"Tou…u…che," he gasps as she apparently is not willing to wait.

* * *

Later that night they are lying in Kensi's bed actually watching the movie since the channel is playing it multiple times in a row. Deeks is sprawled out on his back and Kensi is on her side next to him. Out of nowhere Kensi offers, "After my dad was killed I was alone for awhile. One of the shelters I stayed in had this movie on VHS and I would watch it all the time."

Deeks is stunned speechless for a moment. First, because she is sharing information about that time in her life; second, because she is sharing it with virtually nothing prompting her to share it; and third, because he already knows she spent time on the streets, but she doesn't know he knows.

"Probably with actual prostitutes," Kensi adds information about some of her roommates at the shelter as an afterthought. Her amusement makes him smile. She looks up at him, and the fact that her little quip made him smile makes her smile.

Deeks considers pretending this is knew information to him, but he has a feeling it could turn out badly in the end. He also isn't overly concerned about giving Hetty up as his source.

"Hetty told me you spent some time on the streets," he admits, watching her eyes for any sign of anger.

"When?" she asks genuinely curious, but then realizes she already knows the answer. She remembers he knew that something was getting to her on that case.

"Astrid," they both say at the same time.

"Did she tell you anything else?" Kensi wonders.

"No, but will you?" he requests turning on his side so they are facing each other.

"I stayed with Grandma and Grandpa Blye through the funeral and for about two weeks after. Grandpa Blye was sick and there wasn't a lot of money. I didn't want to be a burden. I also hated my new school in their town, so I left. I told them I was staying with friends. I hated lying. Maybe that's why I hate that part of the job now. I came to Los Angeles where I knew I could get lost in the vastness. I called all the time so they wouldn't worry and I took the bus back to visit as many weekends as I could."

And this is why I love this woman Deeks thinks as he reaches over and caresses her cheek for a moment before moving his hand down to her arm.

"Did you go to school?" he asks even though he's pretty sure about the answer.

"Yes, a large public high school. I joined as many clubs and afterschool activities as I could so I could spend more time at school and less in shelters. When I did go back to the shelters I would take as many books as I could. People were less inclined to bother you if your nose was in a book."

And so was born Wikipedia runs through Deeks's mind.

"What?" Kensi asks defensively, and Deeks knows his expression must have caused her to feel self-conscious or insecure.

"I was just thinking that now I know how Wikipedia came to be," he tries to assure her that he's not judging her in any way. He rubs her arm not wanting her to shut down. "How did you get to New York?" he asks hoping she knows how earnestly he wants to know this story and how it made her who she is today. He knows that she finished high school in New York and lived with her cousin Sarah for awhile. Last summer she went to visit Sarah when he was trying to work through the torture and wasn't taking her calls. She brought him back the Cronut.

"Sarah wanted me to come live with them right away, but her mom never got over my uncle's death and didn't want to take on the challenge of another child. Sarah started taking extra classes so she could finish school and move out. I started working at a frozen yogurt place to save money to get to New York. I think the manager knew I was on my own. He let me eat all the frozen yogurt I wanted. I ate a lot of frozen yogurt." The last sentence she says with exaggerated humor.

"Which is why…?" Deeks begins to ask hesitantly hoping it's okay to joke about this.

"I don't like frozen yogurt now, only ice cream," Kensi finishes his assumption. "When Sarah graduated early in December, I moved out there right away. We had a one bedroom place in Brooklyn."

"Was it a rough neighborhood?" Deeks asks.

"Kind of. We tried to walk together at night. We kept a gun in the apartment, but never had to use it. Twice people tried to break in, but our dads had done a good job showing us how to install locks, and they held until the police arrived."

"I don't know if I should ask this." Deeks voices his nervousness about his next question. It has been at the back of his mind since Hetty informed him Kensi spent a year on the streets that she never told him about. He's always wondered if there was a dark reason why she never told him, or if she was just embarrassed about having lived in shelters. "You don't have to answer."

Her eyes tell him to ask.

"Did anyone ever hurt you when you were in the shelters or on the street?"

She takes a deep breath, but then smiles as she lays a hand on his cheek.

"Where do you think I perfected my crotch kicking abilities?"

She didn't exactly say no, but he takes her answer to affirm his suspicions that 15 year old Kensi was just as kickass as 31 year old Kensi.

"You're amazing, you know that," he compliments leaning in to place a light kiss on her lips.

"I just did what I had to." She tries to play down his compliment a bit embarrassed. "Same as you," she adds putting the focus on him for a bit. "What were your high school years like?" she asks. He knows it's his turn to share and not just the sports achievements and success stories with the ladies that she's heard before. They talk until Deeks falls asleep midsentence. Kensi cuddles up next to him and isn't far behind.

* * *

"Now I see it," Eric whispers to Nell as they dance at their coworkers' wedding in late July. "They're definitely together," he adds as he turns Nell so that he is no longer watching Kensi intimately caressing the back of Deeks's neck as he bends close whispering in her ear.

"This song reminds me of you." Deeks is feeling romantic holding her so close after witnessing such a special day between their friends.

"Are you saying I'm crazy or have edges?" she asks, catching his hair between her fingers and giving a tug to warn that he better choose his next words carefully.

"Us, it reminds me of us," he corrects quickly, pretending to be afraid even though he knows she was kidding. "Showing of hearts and all that stuff."

Kensi shows her contentment with his answer with a slight smile and closing the distance between their bodies.

"Want to take a walk?" she asks when the song ends. Both of them have noticed their less than subtle coworkers have been sneaking glances at them all night. "Might as well give them something to talk about if they're going to talk anyway," she adds with a playful smile.

"Sure," he replies. He'd never waste the opportunity for a walk on the beach on a beautiful night with his beautiful girlfriend. It might also be a good time to tell her about the surprise he has for her.

Kensi slips off her shoes and leaves them on the edge of the patio. Her hand finds Deeks's as they begin to walk toward the water.

"I'm so happy for Troy and Lisa. It was a beautiful wedding. A perfect day," Kensi comments. She leaves out the detail that she's been imagining all day what her and Deeks's perfect day might be like.

"It was," Deeks agrees wondering if he and Kensi will get there someday. "You know what would make this day even more perfect?" he asks as they walk further down the beach. He lets go of her hand and wraps his arm around her waist.

"hmmm?" she asks, but then realizes she knows where his one-track mind is headed.

"You, me, deserted beach," he says suggestively.

She decides to tease him a little bit. She stops walking and faces him. She wraps her arms around his neck and brings his lips to hers.

"Have you?" she asks knowing Deeks's sexual exploits are more exotic than her own.

"Yes, but that is a faint, distant memory compared to fantasy 34," he replies brushing over her lips lightly with his own. He knows she needs him to be honest, yet he wants her to know that she is all he thinks about now.

"Fantasy 34?" she questions.

"You were gone a long time," he explains openly. She caresses his cheek as she tilts her head for another kiss. "Would you?"

"Yes," she answers on impulse due to the love and lust she is feeling toward him. "Well, maybe if the beach was actually deserted and we had a blanket," she revises as her uptight tendencies take over.

That answer brings a big smile to his face because it embodies everything she is and everything he loves about her. The hands at her hips pull her closer toward him and he rests his forehead against hers proclaiming, "I love you."

"I…," she tries to reply, but the words won't come. She wants to say it. She's felt it for so long, but the emotion of the moment has left her speechless. He knew she might not be ready, but he is still a little disappointed.

"I know it's only been 2 months. Maybe it's too soon, but it's how I feel." Deeks nervously runs his hand up and down her side.

"It's not too soon," she assures him, bringing both hands to his face. "I love you too," she declares, thinking this really is the perfect day.

After sharing a few more loving, tender kisses, Deeks tells her he booked them an ocean front hotel room for the night to celebrate her birthday a few days early.

Kensi keeps hold of Deeks's hand for balance as she puts her shoes back on. He expects her to let go as they make their way inside, but she doesn't.

"You sure?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. If he can be brave enough to be the first to say I love you, she can be the one to suggest they tell their friends. Plus she's pretty sure most of them know anyway.

"Hey guys," Nell makes a bit of an exaggerated greeting as she sees Kensi and Deeks coming back to the table holding hands. As conversation stops and everyone at the table looks to Kensi and Deeks, there are smiles of acknowledgement at what the duo is sharing.

"Let's keep it on the down low," Deeks suggests. "We don't want to take anything away from Troy and Lisa's day."

"How long?" Callen asks sharing a glance with Sam and then both of them give Deeks the stare down.

"How long have you known?" Deeks asks carefully, wondering how much trouble he's going to be in with the guys.

"Oh since about the time that someone was smitten with Jason Wyler." Callen throws a sly grin at Kensi. It's not often they get to mess with her.

"What?" Deeks asks astonished. He's going to have fun with this.

"Oh no!" Kensi exclaims, holding a finger up to stop Deeks from whatever he is going to say next. "I thought Jason Wyler was an arrogant drug dealer and possibly the killer."

"But you liked his fluffy hair." Sam gets in on the teasing.

"And his baby blues," Callen jumps in again.

"Whatever," Kensi says brushing off their teasing as she takes a seat at the table.

"Seriously, did you guys know? I thought we've been very stealth," Deeks comments as he takes the seat beside Kensi.

All of their coworkers laugh at this statement.

"People who are stealth do not share a blanket in their place of work," Callen teases.

"Or leave their comms open," Eric speaks up for the first time.

"Or flirt so unabashedly," Callen continues without mercy.

"Or look at each other all googly eyed," Sam chimes in. "Seriously though, we knew when Deeks stopped looking so lost."

"And the fake smile you had after Afghanistan turned into a real one," Nell relays honestly. She refrained from jumping in on the teasing for fear it would come back around to haunt her someday.

Between the teasing and the honest sentiments Kensi and Deeks interpret that their friends approve of the relationship and are happy for them. The group can tell Kensi and Deeks are both uncomfortable with having all the attention focused on them and their relationship, more Kensi than Deeks, so a new subject is brought up and everyone moves on.

* * *

"So, if not Jason Wyler, when did you know that you loved this sexy, charming stud?" Deeks asks later that night as he unbuttons his dress shirt and then tries out the plush bed in their hotel room.

"You weren't going to leave that alone, were you?" she laughs as she crawls toward him on the bed.

"Not a chance," he replies as his hand dives into her curls formed by the up-do she had just unpinned. "I do want to know," he tells her seriously.

"I've had feelings for as long as we've had a thing. As for the love part, I think that happened little by little over time." She presses her lips to his. "You?" she asks. She takes advantage of his open shirt placing open mouthed kisses on his chest.

"The same, little by little. There wasn't an exact moment of knowing. It was like it had always been there."

His admission makes her want to try out the three little words again. "I love you," she says softly lying down next to him.

"I love you," he replies knowing that what he and Kensi have is like nothing he has ever experienced before. He knows she is the one.

* * *

Thanks for Reading! This chapter ended up pretty fluffy again. I think the next one will be a little more dramatic. Reviews always welcome.


	8. Past Fears, Present Fears part 2

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 8: **Past Fears, Present Fears part 2

**Rating: **T for language (Deeks says the f word in this one) and sexual content (As most new couples, and as in many of the chapters before this, Deeks and Kensi get a little frisky)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters. I also do not own The Temptations song _My Girl _

**Summary: **This is a story about the fears and issues Kensi and Deeks have to work through to be together. This chapter begins about 2 weeks after chapter 7.

* * *

**Past Fears, Present Fears Part 2**

"Is Mr. Deeks alright?" a newly returned Hetty asks Callen and Sam during a debriefing after a particularly intense day of undercover work.

"Kensi is with him," Sam replies.

Kensi find Deeks where she knew he would be, beating the crap out of the punching bag in the gym.

"Ahhh," he grunts as he slams his fist into the bag.

"Deeks," she tries to gain his attention. He ignores her, which she was expecting.

"Deeks, look at me," she demands firmly. He still doesn't stop. Sweat pours down his face with what she suspects are a few tears mixed in.

She stands directly in front of him steadying the punching bag as he pounds on it.

"Move!" he yells keeping his head down as he takes another jab. He's sorry the second he yells at her. He just spent the afternoon yelling at her and saying crappy things to her as Max Gentry, and now he's so upset about it he yells at her as himself. He takes a breath wiping his face with his hand as he looks up at her. She is unfazed by his outburst and silently hands him a towel waiting for him to talk to her.

"Just leave me alone okay," he pleads not able to take the love and understanding he sees in her eyes. "I don't deserve…"

"Stop it!" she cuts in. "You are always so hard on yourself. I'm fine." She takes a step closer to him truly meaning that she is fine in this instance.

"Your cheek is bruised." His mannerisms and breathing are calmer as he reaches over to gently touch her red cheek with his fingertips, but the tone of his voice tells her he's still distressed. "You're not fine. I hit you. None of this is fine."

"You did it to protect our cover. I would have been pissed if you hadn't."

"I'm so fucking scared Kens," he admits reaching up and nervously scratching his head as tears fill his eyes. He can't hold it in any longer, no matter what it costs him to put it out there.

"Why?" she asks full of concern, holding out her hands to give him something to hold onto. She'd always known that somewhere beneath the jokes and bravado there are remnants of the scared little boy looking for love and approval.

"Because I sounded like him. I was acting like him."

"I know I didn't know him, but I do know that you are nothing like your father. If anything you're like my father…Ok, that didn't come out quite the way I meant," she says, making them both smile for a brief moment, "but, you know what I mean. You have morals and values. You want to help people. You don't drink too much. You know how to love a woman. You're great with kids. You are a good man Marty Deeks."

"But I'm not," he says shaking his head sadly. "I'm not," he reiterates as he guides her to one of the benches in the gym so they can sit down.

"What makes you say that?" she asks still holding his hands in hers.

"I have the same darkness in me he had. I'm capable of doing terrible things."

"What things?" she asks. She's not worried about what he's going to say. She knows him, and she knows that he couldn't have done anything so bad that she could no longer love him.

"Did you know in Afghanistan I traded a man's life for yours?"

"I did. I'm sorry you had to do it and that it's causing you pain. I love you for doing what you had to in order to save my life, and I would have loved you just the same if you wouldn't have been able to do it."

"Did you know that before I traded his life for yours, I tortured him to find out what information he had about where you were? Well I started to, but I couldn't finish. I would have, but I didn't think it was going to do any good." A few tears slide down his cheeks.

"No," she counters gently as she reaches up with one hand and runs her fingers through his hair just above his ear, then brings it back down to rest on his arm. "I don't think you would have continued no matter what you thought the outcome would be."

"Yes, I would have," he insists averting his gaze from her. "I would do anything if your life was in jeopardy."

"That was a once in a lifetime situation Deeks. I won't let you be in that position again," she promises. "Is this why what Angelo said affected you so much?" she asks finally putting the puzzle together.

His eyes give the affirmation he can't voice. Kensi wraps her arms around his neck, guiding his head to her shoulder. "You're not alone," she reminds him softly as her fingers stroke his neck and upper back. "We all have darkness in us. Remember how I was when I went after my father's killer?"

She hears him sigh and she knows he's getting control of his emotions. He pulls out of their embrace and wipes his face with the towel. "You are the opposite of darkness, Sunshine," Deeks tells her as he places his hand on top of hers.

"I guess you better keep me around then."

"I plan on it."

"Good, let's get out of here, take Monty for a walk, and treat ourselves to some Yummy, Yummy," Kensi suggests.

* * *

"Will you do something for me?" Kensi requests later that night as her thumbs massage each vertebrae of Deeks's spine.

"Princess, right now I'd get you the moon." His content reply is muffled by the pillow his face is buried in. With her bare feet tucked against his thighs, her hands working out the tension in his back and her cute butt moving against his as she moves, he can almost forget the horrendous day they had.

"Next time you have something so heavy on your mind, don't wait so long to tell me."

"Ok," he agrees not really wanting to delve back into the topic again.

Kensi isn't quite ready to let it go. She hates that he's been feeling this way since Afghanistan and she feels like she is to blame. Her hands work the muscles in his lower back.

"I know I haven't said this, maybe because I was trying so hard to not have feelings for you or maybe because I'm just not good at expressing myself, but I admire you. I always have," she tells him as she leans down and places a kiss to his shoulder blade. "You are smart, clever, funny, caring, generous…" she trails off as she resumes the back massage. "I just want you to know that I don't see the darkness you see, but if you're feeling it, I want you to tell me. I am here for you."

Deeks rolls over and sits up forcing Kensi to raise her butt and settle back against his thighs. "Thank you," he acknowledges both her words and the massage as he brings a hand to her cheek and guides her lips to his for a chaste kiss. "I'm going to get some more ice for that cheek." He extricates himself from under her. She doesn't need it, but she knows it will make him feel better to take care of her.

* * *

The following Sunday afternoon Kensi is at Deeks's place hanging out with Monty and doing some laundry while Deeks and Callen are painting at Deeks's house. Even when they were just partners she would always try to find excuses to do laundry at his place since he has a washer and dryer actually in his apartment. She was never a fan of using the shared laundry at her complex or going to the Laundromat. She is washing her sheets and throws his in with hers since she spends most nights at his place and knows how long it's been since they've been washed.

She's putting the sheets back on his bed when he comes home.

"Hey," he says in greeting when he finds her in the bedroom.

"Hey," she replies.

"What, what are you doing?" he asks sounding a little rattled.

"Laundry," she replies. "I figured I might as well wash these as long as I was doing mine," she explains wondering why he seems upset by such a simple thing.

"No, I mean the top sheet," he clarifies as she tucks in the corners.

"Oh, my best friend growing up, Monica, her family always would put the top sheet facing down for some reason. I would sleep over at her house a lot when my dad was on missions. I guess it's a comfort thing. I can change it if you want," she offers.

"No," he says sitting down on the bed. "It's just it reminded me that my mom used to do the same thing." Kensi sits down next to him wanting to hear every word. He almost never talks about his mom. "She would put the top sheet with the characters facing down, so that when my dad would get drunk and yell and beat the crap out of her I could hide under the covers with superman or batman and feel safer."

She rests a hand on his arm. She wants to take him in her arms and hold him and tell him how much she loves him, but she knows he doesn't like to wallow in the past.

"It might help to talk about her more," she suggests cautiously. "I know that one wasn't exactly a good memory, but sharing some of the good ones might help you deal with the ones that cause you so much hurt and anger."

"Maybe," he considers, taking her suggestion to heart as he gets up and heads for the door done with this topic for the time being. He knows how lucky he is to have this woman who listens, understands, cares so deeply, and makes him feel so loved. He stops at the bedroom door and turns back to her. "Kens," he says softly to get her attention.

"Yeah," she replies looking up from her task of returning the quilt to the bed.

"I love you." The three words are so simple yet they hold so much love, admiration, respect, and appreciation.

"I love you too," she reciprocates the sentiment. The depth of their connection and love fills her entire being with warmth and contentment.

* * *

A few days later Kensi and Deeks are getting arrested in order to deepen their cover. As soon as Callen grabs her hands, Kensi feels panic start building up. It's Callen she tells herself trying to calm down. No one is going to hurt me she reminds herself. As he clamps the handcuffs around her wrists the urge to fight him is strong. She starts taking deep breaths. By the time she's in the car she is struggling against the restraint.

Callen catches Kensi's expression in the rearview mirror and instantly knows something is wrong.

"What is it Kens?" he asks as he turns the key in the ignition.

"Nothing, I'm good," she lies as she tries to stop struggling.

As Callen begins to drive, Kensi tries to focus on how she is going to get closer to the actual criminals who were arrested while they share a holding cell for the next few hours. She begins to outline an order of question to get the intel they need without raising suspicion. She puts up a good effort for a few blocks, but the flashbacks from Afghanistan invade her consciousness and she begins to struggle again and her heart begins racing.

"Kensi?" Callen questions noticing she's begun to perspire, looks distressed, and is squirming.

"The handcuffs…Afghanistan," is all she can get out as her eyes fill with tears. The thought of being trapped in a confined space for the next few hours has only added to her panic.

Sam and Deeks can hear the conversation through their comms. Sam gives Deeks a questioning look in his rearview mirror.

"Panic attack," Deeks explains for both Callen and Sam. "She's had two or three."

"I…I can't breathe. I need these off."

Callen can see Kensi is getting desperate, but hopes maybe they can calm her down and finish the op.

"You're home Kens. No one is going to hurt you. Just breathe," Callen tries to soothe. "Ready, let's breathe in…and out…in….and out." She breathes with him a few times, but it's not helping.

"Deeks?" she pleads.

Her tone reminds him of when she was in the room with the lasers. They are in separate cars so he can't see or touch her which is a definite disadvantage. He racks his brain for anything that might help. He ends up repeating a lot of what Callen has already told her. That she is home and safe.

"Kens, as soon as we are inside a cell the handcuffs will be taken off. I'll see you in a few minutes," he reminds her gently. He knows if he could have eye contact with her and touch her he'd be able to calm her down.

"I can't," she sobs.

He can hear the frustration and disappointment in her voice. He knows how hard she is being on herself in her mind right now. As much as he hates to do it, he thinks getting tough with her might help her out of the panic attack. "Kensi, you need to pull yourself together and finish this op," he says sternly even though is heart is aching to hold her and tell her she doesn't have to do it.

It's not working and Callen can't stand to see Kensi struggling any longer. "I'm pulling Kensi out," he informs the rest of the team as he pulls over. "We'll have to go with whatever intel Deeks can gather. We'll make up some excuse about Kensi not having a record and getting sent to a prison with less security so that no one gets suspicious."

"Take care of her," Deeks instructs Callen as he and Sam pass them and continue on toward the jail. He knows it's going to be a long afternoon of trying to focus on the case when his worry for Kensi is at the forefront of his mind.

Callen puts a hand on Kensi's head as he helps her out of the car. He quickly relieves her of the handcuffs. She walks to the front of the car and kicks the tire as tears of frustration stream down her cheeks. She bends over with hands on her knees trying to catch her breath and slow her racing heart. Callen comes over and puts a hand on her back to comfort. She is so angry with herself she can't accept his comfort right now. She straightens up and walks down the block as she continues to calm herself. They ride back to the mission in silence.

"I'm sorry," Kensi apologizes to Callen after he's briefed Hetty.

"Nothing to be sorry about," Callen replies as he gets ready to head out and join Sam as Deeks's backup. "See if you can help Nell with her lead."

Kensi and Nell get the guys some useful information, but then they are pretty much stuck until they see what intel Deeks can gain.

"Hetty," Kensi requests her boss's attention as she approaches her desk. "Can I join Sam and Callen in the field?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Blye, but I'm afraid you lost your chance to be in the field today. We need to maintain your cover in case we can put you back in."

Kensi nods her acknowledgement of Hetty's decision. As she walks away she grumbles, "because it's my fault I got sent to that god forsaken place and was chained in a cave by the Taliban."

"Ms. Blye, I suggest you use this opportunity to finish the paperwork on that case you and Mr. Deeks solved last week. Or if you need it, you can take the rest of the day off." Hetty still feels bad about what happened to Kensi and her part in it, but she isn't going to let Kensi get away with an unprofessional attitude at work, so tough love is her method.

Kensi huffs as she drops into her desk chair and flips open the file with the unfinished paperwork.

* * *

"A job well done this afternoon," Hetty greets Sam, Callen and Deeks when they return to the mission early that evening.

"Thanks Hetty. Where's Kensi?" Deeks asks having observed right away she is not in the bullpen.

""I believe Ms. Jones invited her to hit the gym as soon as you were bailed out of jail," Hetty informs him.

Deeks finds Nell and Kensi practicing some close quarter battle moves.

"Lookin good ladies," he comments after watching them for a bit.

"Thanks!" Nell replies. "I'm going to hit the showers." She wants to give them time alone in case Kensi wants to talk about what happened. "Team dinner tonight," she suggests.

"Sounds good," Deeks agrees. "The boys and I were already thinking Karaoke for tonight."

"Eric and I will crush you." Nell throws down the gauntlet as she heads to the changing rooms.

"Yeah, you guys weren't that good last time," Kensi quips.

"Oh yeah, you wanna go?" Deeks asks taking a battle stance. He can tell she hasn't worked off all of her frustration from the day.

"Let's go beach boy," she taunts.

After Deeks makes a quick change to workout clothes, he and Kensi engage in some training.

He anticipates her first move and takes her down immediately. He sees annoyance and frustration in her eyes at being beaten and he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have tried his new move on her today.

"Admit you like my singing and I'll let you up," he torments playfully.

"Tolerate is a better adjective," she huffs as she flips him over and pins him. He notes a smirk of satisfaction as she lets him up. This is what he was aiming for so he is quite satisfied with himself.

"It was a good try," Kensi acknowledges how he tried to help her earlier once she has control of their training battle. She even appreciates that he put the case over his emotions for her and tried to be tough with her.

They go back and forth for a few more minutes pretty evenly matched until Deeks gets in her space and takes her down again.

"Ready to pack it in?" he asks with only a bit of a gloat.

"You only want to stop because you're winning," she pouts.

"Don't be a sore loser." He lowers his head and steals a swift kiss.

"Deeks! Get off your partner," Sam barks out the command startling both Kensi and Deeks. They both turn bright red. She swats his arm for kissing her at work as he practically jumps off of her, and they both sit up. Sam and Callen chuckle as they hope this is the first, and last, time this happens at work.

"Dinner is at 6:30. Hit the showers or we leave without you," Callen informs them.

"Separately," Sam warns as they turn to head back out of the gym. "Hit the showers separately."

When they are alone again Deeks takes one of her hands and rubs his thumb over where her wrists are red from struggling against the handcuffs.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"I thought it was getting better. I haven't had one in almost a month," she tells him, referring to the panic attack.

"You are getting better. Your recovery has been miraculous, both physically and mentally."

"I let you guys down today. I couldn't finish the mission."

"Forget about that. I didn't particularly like being restricted either," he admits.

"What if next time it's in front of a suspect or it blows my cover?"

"We will be there to back you up," he assures her as he pulls her to her feet so they can get ready to join the rest of the team. "Guess this means fantasy 57 is off the table," he teases squeezing her hand before he lets go so they can head to the men's and women's changing rooms.

She flashes a quick smile as she rolls her eyes at him having a pretty educated guess about the details of fantasy 57.

* * *

"Thanks for being there for me today guys," Kensi says to the group as they head down the hallway to leave the mission.

"There is no shame in it," Sam assures her sensing she still feels bad about having to be pulled from the op. "It is not unusual for someone who went through what you did to have panic attacks."

"It happens to Sam every time he takes his kids to the circus," Callen mocks.

Everyone shares a laugh at Sam's expense.

* * *

Thanks for reading and for all of the kind reviews so far. I hope you are enjoying this story. I know I am enjoying writing it while we wait for season 6.


	9. Uncharted Fears

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 9: **Uncharted Fears

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content (As most new couples, and as in many of the chapters before this, Deeks and Kensi might get a little frisky, but nothing too graphic)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters.

**Summary: **This is a story about the fears and issues Kensi and Deeks have to work through to be together. This chapter begins a few days after chapter 8 ends.

* * *

**Uncharted Fears**

"Are they closed? Keep them closed," Deeks instructs as he guides Kensi up to the house. He has a hand covering her eyes just to make sure she isn't peeking.

"They're closed," she promises holding onto his arm so she doesn't trip on the step. She hasn't been to the house in a couple of weeks because Deeks wanted to keep the finished product a surprise. She's seen pictures of sinks, mirrors, flooring, tile, carpeting, and paint colors. He'd asked her opinion on numerous occasions, but hasn't let on as to what his final decisions were.

"Okay," he gives her permission to open her eyes as he takes his hand away.

She notices right away that he went with the more expensive front door that she really liked and lobbied for.

"It's perfect," she says happily, stepping back to admire how it looks with the front of the house. He doesn't give her long to admire it. He's so excited to show her the rest he grabs her hand and pulls her inside.

"Oh Deeks," she sighs, seeing he went with the hardwood floors. Both of them agreed that carpeting was not the way to go for a house in California. She notes that he went with the darker wood that he wanted and light paint, and he was right. It's magnificent.

"Tile just went in Wednesday," he tells her as he tugs her toward the bathroom. They've been working a case that called for their immediate attention and pretty long hours. They haven't really been apart since Wednesday so she knows he hasn't seen the tile either. When they reach the bathroom he squats down to inspect the work. She notes he went with her recommended tile choice. "They did a good job," he declares.

"It looks great," she agrees, thinking that the house is really coming together.

Kensi grabs two of the beers they brought and puts the rest in the fridge while Deeks gets painting supplies. As they paint the bathroom Kensi knows the discussion they've been putting off all summer is inevitable now that the house is almost finished. She hasn't asked whether he's keeping the house or selling it because she is afraid it will bring up the yet uncharted topic of them living together. She is pretty sure he is keeping it, but he hasn't brought up the topic either which means he's scared of going there too. Her trouble is that after a summer of avoiding it, she isn't sure if she's more afraid that he will ask her, or that he won't.

When Deeks first bought the house he planned to keep it. He went through a period of time where he wasn't sure he was ready, but now he is sure he wants to do this. He has been sure for awhile. He wants to settle down and have a place that is all his. Well not all his, because he plans to ask Kensi to move in with him. Even if it does scare the shit out of him, he knows that he is done chasing women. Kensi is it for him and she is a big part of the settling down plan. Somehow he always knew Kensi would be the end of his bachelor days. Maybe that's why he waited so long to kiss her.

After they finish painting both of the bathrooms in the house, Kensi and Deeks head out to the deck with another beer and sandwiches they had picked up earlier on their way to the house. They enjoy each other's company as they toss the ball to Monty and partake in another beverage.

"I'm going to keep the house," Deeks suddenly interjects into the conversation they are having.

"I was thinking that would probably be a good idea considering what we did on the kitchen island last time we were here." She wonders when she became the one who jokes during serous conversations. They share a smile reminiscing about their kitchen gymnastics.

"I…um…I was wondering if you'd want to move in with me?" he asks nervously. He glances over at her, anxious about what her reaction will be.

The idea scares her, but Kensi knows she would have been disappointed if he hadn't asked her.

Well, she doesn't look terrified. Deeks thinks that's a good sign.

"I…I don't know if I'm ready yet. I haven't lived with anyone since Jack. I want to. I just don't want to mess this up." She hopes she's explained her fears without hurting him. She fiddles with her hands in a nervous gesture as she waits for his response.

"I get it. It scares me too. I've always kept my own place as a backup. I've never completely lived with someone," he admits. He understands her fear, and even shares it. He isn't concerned that she needs some time to think. That's just how Kensi works, but that doesn't mean he won't try to persuade her a little. He reaches over and puts a comforting hand on her leg. "I have a feeling that this is right though…like this place is supposed to be ours. I want you to know that I'm not just asking you to move in with me. It comes with a promise that I'm not going anywhere and with the future of lifelong commitment when we're both ready."

Deeks talking around marriage causes a hilarious image to pop into Kensi's head and she bursts into a fit of giggles. "Oh my God," she declares trying to stop, but the picture reforms in her mind and she dissolves into more giggles.

"Um, ok, trying to communicate here…not sure what you're doing." Deeks sounds amused, and a little annoyed.

"No, no," she says waving her hand and trying to get herself together to explain that she's not laughing at him, not directly anyway. "Picturing our wedding cake topper as raccoons dressed in a suit and wedding dress." As she says it out loud her eyes fill with tears and the laughter bubbles up again.

"Ok, you're cut off," Deeks says laughing at the image she just described as he moves her beer to the other side of the table.

"I'm sorry," she says gathering herself. "I really appreciate you communicating," she assures him reaching over to rub his arm. "I'm just going to take a day or two to work through this idea of living together."

"Maybe wait until tomorrow when you are not slightly intoxicated to do your thinking," Deeks suggests patting the hand that is resting on his arm.

* * *

A few days later as Kensi struggles to flip the omelet she is making, she really hopes Deeks doesn't wake up. She is hoping to surprise him with breakfast in bed, and if he wakes up to her dropping things and swearing in the kitchen it won't be as much fun. It's Labor Day and he didn't set an alarm to surf so if she can keep the noise level down in the kitchen, and if Monty doesn't hear or see something to bark at, Deeks should sleep for a little bit yet.

When she enters the bedroom she sees Deeks has taken over the whole bed, except for a little corner Monty has claimed. He is sprawled on his stomach with one arm stretched out to the side and one above his head. Kensi sets the coffee and plate on the bedside table before sitting on the edge of the bed. She rubs Deeks's bare back as she leans down and places a kiss on his cheek.

"Good morning babe." She coaxes him into consciousness with more caresses and kisses. Monty hops off the bed and joins Kensi in trying to wake Deeks by giving his hand a lick before trying to lick the plate Kensi brought in.

"Mmmm," Deeks groans as he rolls over wondering why he is being woken up, but thinking it's a damn good way to be woken. "Good morning," he replies placing a hand on her thigh. She leans down to place a kiss on his lips and his other arm wraps around her waist. "What smells good?"

"I made breakfast," she tells him reaching over for the plate on the nightstand. Deeks sits up to see what she made. "It isn't beautiful," she apologizes for the omelet that isn't folded quite in half and has cheese, sausage, and veggies leaking out the middle, "but it tastes good."

"I see someone did a taste test," he comments grabbing the plate with one hand, caressing her side with the other, and giving her a teasing smile.

"I had to make sure it was edible," she explains.

"It smells delicious. Come back to bed," he requests moving his hand around to her front and tugging gently on her robe. He scoots over so she can slide in. She hands him his coffee. "Thank you. So what's all this for?" he asks then takes a sip of coffee. He sets the coffee aside and digs into the omelet.

"For an incredible summer," she answers wanting him to know how much she loves being in a relationship with him. "And because I love you." It amazes her that those words have become natural so quickly.

"Aww, that's sweet," he mumbles with mouth full of food. "I love you and your lopsided omelet," he teases taking another bite. After he finishes chewing, he leans over for a kiss. "It's really good," he compliments before giving her another quick peck. "Want a bite?" he asks holding out the fork to her.

"No thanks. The first one looked worse than this. I ate some of that one," she explains as she cuddles up to him. He wraps one arm around her as he continues eating. "I've also been thinking about the living together thing," she shares as her hand glides back and forth across his stomach.

"What are you thinking?" he encourages.

"That even though I was thinking it might be too soon or that we might drive each other crazy being together 24/7, this is what I want. I agree that it feels right. I know that if we put us first, we can figure the rest out. We have so far."

Deeks sets the plate aside. "You make me so happy," he tells her as he wraps her up in his arms. It feels so good to know that she makes him happy. After Jack left, some part of her always felt like eventually she wouldn't be enough and any guy she was with would leave her. That's how she became the best first date girl in town. She wouldn't let things go too far because she wanted to be the one to leave instead of being left again wondering why she wasn't enough. With Deeks she is finally able to trust that he won't leave, and he makes her feel like she is more than enough. He makes her feel like she is everything.

Monty comes back to lick the plate clean while Kensi and Deeks are otherwise occupied.

* * *

"Kensi, this closet is ridiculous!" Deeks exclaims a few weeks later after a box falls on his head when he opens the door to her bedroom closet. "We need to have some sort of discussion about exactly how much of this stuff is coming to the house."

"Umm, all of it," she replies carrying two large boxes into the room.

"When was the last time you cleaned this out? Do you even still wear these?" he asks holding up a pair of Stilettos high enough to be from her clubbing days. He knows she hasn't been clubbing in awhile.

"I could need them for undercover work."

"Then let Hetty keep them. How about 75% comes?"

"How about 85, and the same goes for you. You have to get rid of 15 % of your stuff too."

"No problem," he agrees. A thought occurs to him. "Wait, the other 15% is going to your mom's isn't it?'

"No," she denies it at first, but then quickly admits, "well, if she lets me."

Deeks gives her a triumphant smile that says 'I know you so well.'

"Kens, what's this?" he asks a while later as he lowers a box with his and Kensi's names in a heart drawn on the side. This woman and boxes he thinks intrigued. He brings the box over to the bed where she is sorting clothes.

"It's nothing, just some of our stuff that I saved." She tries to remain nonchalant even though she is feeling silly and vulnerable.

"Can I look at it?"

"No, give me that," she demands grabbing the box.

"Really, you're really not going to let me look?" he asks keeping hold of the box.

"Fine, you're just going to bug me until I let you," she relents letting go of the box.

Deeks opens the box and starts riffling through it's contents.

"Hey, um, Kens, when did you make this box exactly?" he asks.

"After our first real date…don't make fun. I know it's silly."

"It's not," he assures her understanding that she's feeling exposed. He finds the sentimental collector side of Kensi as endearing and lovable as all her other traits. "I'm just curious how these things got in there," he ponders aloud as he holds up an empty bottle from the suntan oil he gave her and a leaf from what he presumes is the fern he gave her and she proceeded to kill. He finds it interesting that both of these things are from before they were together.

"I had that stuff saved other places. See, I do clean! I added them to the box as I came across them."

He can tell she is a bit flustered, but can't resist when he spots a gem of a picture at the bottom of the box. "How'd you get this?" he asks holding up the mug shot of him as Jason Wyler. She glances over to see what he is talking about and gives an exasperated sigh.

"I took it, okay. I thought you were going back to LAPD and that our partnership was over. I remembered there was an extra copy in the file and I wanted it."

"I printed our e-mails and texts from when you were in Afghanistan and reread them numerous times," he reveals something he hasn't told her to put them on equal footing again. As he gets up, he leans over and drops a kiss on the crown of her head before returning to the task of packing her closet.

* * *

"Are you nervous?" Deeks asks as they drive to work. The day has come when they are going to tell Hetty about them. They figure they can't put it off any longer if they are going to be living together.

"No, I'm sure she knows already," Kensi replies.

"Plus it's been three months and she can't say it's affected our work," he adds.

"But you're still a little nervous," Kensi guesses.

"Yeah, I mean, it's Hetty," he replies.

"Me too," she admits she was untruthful to him and herself a moment ago when she said she wasn't nervous.

After dropping their bags at their desks Kensi and Deeks share an apprehensive look before heading over to Hetty's office.

"Good morning Hetty," Kensi greets.

"Good morning Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks," Hetty acknowledges them.

"Good morning Hetty." Deeks responds.

"What can I do for you?" Hetty asks.

"Deeks and I…well…we're dating," Kensi begins nervously. "We have been for awhile."

"It's more than that," Deeks picks up wanting Hetty to understand how serious they are. "We're moving in together."

"With plans for a future," Kensi adds.

"I see," Hetty comments. Neither Kensi nor Deeks can read her reaction.

"Our work has not suffered at all," Deeks offers Hetty a reason to be okay with their relationship.

"We'd like to remain partners, at least for the time being, but we are both willing to reluctantly give up the partnership for us," Kensi informs their boss.

"Thank you for informing me. Do you both believe you can handle a relationship and your partnership?" Hetty asks.

"We do," both Kensi and Deeks answer.

"So do I," Hetty agrees. "You may remain partners as long as it doesn't affect your work."

They both thank her and turn to head back to their desks and get to work.

"Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks," Hetty calls for their attention once more and both turn back toward her. "I am happy that you are both happy."

"Thank you Hetty," Kensi replies feeling a little more of the anger and resentment she'd been harboring toward Hetty melt away.

"Thanks Hetty." Their boss's reaction is helping work her back into Deeks's good graces as well. He's back to wondering if she has been pulling for them all along. Maybe someday he'll have the courage to ask her.

* * *

"Welcome home Kens," Deeks says wiping his sweaty hands on his pants after setting the last box in the living room. The emotion of how big this is hits her, and her eyes fill with tears. Her tears confuse and worry him. He thought this would be an exciting and happy moment. "What's wrong?" he asks. He's never really sure how to handle teary Kensi since it doesn't happen that often.

She is too emotional to answer him, so she goes in for a hug.

"It's going to be okay," he promises worried that she is having second thoughts about such a big change.

"I know." She knows she is scaring him and feels bad about that. She sniffles as she continues, "I haven't lived in a house since I was 15," she explains. "I haven't had a place that was mine and felt completely like home in so long." The other day when Deeks had insisted they go to the bank and put her name on the paperwork too, she told him it wasn't necessary, but now she is glad they did it. It makes it even more special that it's theirs together. "Thank you for making this a home for us," she says raising her head from his shoulder to look in his eyes. Hers are filled with the love she feels for him and her gratefulness for the love and security he has given her.

"So these are happy tears?" he questions wiping one away with his thumb. Now that he sees her so emotional about their home, the enormity of it overwhelms him too. He's felt like he, Kensi, and Monty have been a family for some time, but now with the house, it's official.

"Very happy," she assures him. "It's a dream come true."

"For me too," he shares before leaning down to capture her lips.

* * *

Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome.


	10. Everyday Fears

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 10: **Everyday Fears

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content (As most new couples, and as in many of the chapters before this, Deeks and Kensi might get a little frisky, but nothing too graphic)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters.

**Summary: **This is a story about the fears and issues Kensi and Deeks have to work through to be together. There are some of their relationship fears in this chapter, but also some of the everyday things that cause them anxiety. This chapter begins about a week after chapter 9.

* * *

**Everyday Fears**

"If you take a left here, and then two rights, you can cut through the middle of the neighborhood west of ours," Deeks tells Kensi as she drives home from work.

"I don't think we've taken the same way to or from work all week," she comments appreciating that he is thinking about safety and precautions.

"This way is kind of a pain in the ass, but I figure since we are living together we better be extra careful."

"True," she agrees as she makes the first right in the path he'd laid out. "We should probably take separate cars more often too," she adds knowing they've been a little lax on that lately.

"But riding together saves so much time," Deeks counters playfully, only willing to go so far with the responsibility and precautions. His statement has a double meaning, and he provides a demonstration of his naughtier version of the statement taking full advantage of the fact that Kensi is wearing a skirt due to the fact that they were both in court this afternoon testifying for a case.

"Good point counselor." Kensi sighs shifting into his touch as she brakes at the next stop sign. Riding together definitely has its benefits. She takes a breath trying to focus on the road instead of what Deeks is doing to her.

* * *

"We should have a party," Deeks suggests after dinner that night as they hang some draperies in their bedroom.

"Almost all of our friends are agents. You just said we need to be more careful," Kensi reminds him as she makes an acrobatic jump from the stepstool to the center of their bed and sits down to admire their work.

"It might take some creative planning, but we've done it before for festivities at the Hanna household," Deeks makes his case joining her on the bed. "I've always had this image of people hanging out in my backyard drinking beer and playing horseshoes."

"Horseshoes?" Kensi asks surprised by the kind-of old fashioned yard game in his image.

"My grandpa played and he gave me a plastic set I played with when I was little," he explains. He leaves out the part about his dad getting hold of the plastic stakes and using them as a weapon against him and his mom.

She has to admit that having their house full of friends and family sounds pretty amazing. It's something Deeks never had and something she hasn't had in a long time.

"Okay," she agrees. "We'll figure it out. I think I understand now why you claim to be such a good lawyer." She leans over and kisses his cheek.

"Why do you say that?"

"You're very persuasive today," she observes, referring to the foreplay in the car earlier and the pulling at her heartstrings right now.

"I don't just claim to be a good lawyer. I am a good lawyer," he informs her confidently.

"I think I might need one more example," she says flirtatiously, laying a hand on his leg and placing a kiss on his jaw.

"Here's my case for another round of Kensi/Deeks private time tonight." He leans in and captures her lips. Before she knows what's even happening she is on her back with him over her. His hands are everywhere lighting every nerve ending she has on fire.

"Easy case," she taunts before initiating another searing kiss.

"Oh yeah…what do you consider…a hard case?" he asks between gentle kisses on her throat and collarbone. His whiskers burn her neck and chest, but the burn feels so much better than she ever imagined it would.

"Ummm," she moans raising her hips. "Get Hetty to agree to two more vacation days a year," she challenges.

"Done," he accepts and returns his lips to hers.

* * *

Two days later the team has a rough day where the bad guys got away and they returned to the mission to more news reports of devastation in Iraq. Kensi is so frustrated and disappointed that she excuses herself from an informal debriefing with Hetty. She vacates her spot next to Deeks on the couch. Sam and Callen's concerned looks follow Kensi until she is out of sight, then turn to Deeks to silently question him about Kensi's mood. He shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't know any more than they do. He is worried about her, but stays for the rest of the debriefing to give her a few minutes alone. When they are finished Hetty begins heading in the direction that Kensi went.

"Hetty, let me," Deeks requests. He knows that Hetty is still important to Kensi, but things have changed since Afghanistan and he is afraid Kensi doesn't trust Hetty enough to open up completely to her.

"Very well Mr. Deeks," Hetty acquiesces. "You'll let me know if there is anything that would prevent Kensi from being mission ready." She says this gently, but makes it known it's a requirement and not a request.

Deeks nods his agreement. He finds Kensi right outside the mission doors leaning against the wall.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks shutting the door behind him.

She quietly composes her thoughts and he joins her against the wall.

"Sometimes it feels like we are never going to win and I wonder if it's all worth it. Don't get me wrong, I love what we do and I know we make a difference. Lately I just feel…I don't know…"

"Burnt out," Deeks supplies.

She nods.

"The mission in Afghanistan was five months and what did I accomplish?"

"You saved Jack's life, which is what Hetty wanted."

"You saved Jack's life," she corrects, "and mine. These last few cases we've gotten some little fish, but the big scary fish have disappeared back into the depths. I like the work and being your partner, but right now I'm having a hard time feeling like I have a purpose. It's like I know in my head we are making a difference and have a purpose, but I'm having trouble feeling it in my heart," she tries to explain as she digs her toe in the dirt.

"I get it," he sympathizes as he places a comforting hand on her shoulder. He felt much the same way after he was tortured. "I don't really have any words of wisdom, but want to know what I think anyway?"

She nods, then leans into him wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. It's Saturday so the mission is nearly empty. Neither of them is really worried about showing a little affection at the moment. He slides his arm around her shoulders holding her close.

"I think we should take a vacation. We always joke about it, but never go. We could go lay on a beach somewhere for a week. Or, if you need to feel like you're making a difference we could do some volunteer work and then head to Lake Tahoe."

He feels her nod her agreement to the vacation idea. "Can I tell you something else?" she requests. He notes hesitation or nerves in her voice. She pulls away enough to look up at him.

"Of course," he replies keeping his arm loosely over her shoulders.

"I'm worried about Jack," she admits. "He said he would be in touch if he could and he hasn't been."

Her admission helps Deeks understand even better her current struggles with the job. She was sent to Afghanistan to save Jack, and now maybe she wasn't even able to do that.

"Did you ask Hetty?" Deeks wonders thinking maybe Jack would go through her.

"Yes, and she hasn't heard anything either."

"You did everything you could," he tries to assure her.

"We should have made him come back with us," she laments frustrated.

"He wouldn't have come. You know that," he reminds her calmly.

"I wonder if he knows about Iraq…everything he fought for. Sorry if this is weird," she apologizes for bringing up Jack.

"It's not," he tells a little white lie. Of course it's a little weird to talk about her ex-fiancée. He doesn't mind though because he doesn't feel threatened by Jack. Maybe it's because of the fact that Jack is thousands of miles away, or more likely it's because he believed Kensi when she told him she wasn't in love with Jack. Deeks continues, "He's crossed my mind a time or two hearing the news about Iraq. I feel for everyone who fought for democracy and safety of the citizens and has to see it all fall apart now."

"Thank you," Kensi says sinking into him again.

"For?" Deeks inquires.

"For being you, for caring, for understanding, for loving me"

"Anytime sweetheart, anytime," he vows as his arm tightens around her shoulders pulling her in closer to him again.

* * *

"Oh my God, the Earth needs to stop shaking!" Kensi exclaims a few days later, grabbing the edge of her desk as an aftershock from that morning's earthquake rocks the mission.

"Not a fan of earthquakes Kens?" Callen assumes. He bets her fear has something to do with her need to be in control.

"Not really," she admits.

"I woke up to her and Monty sitting in the doorway of our bedroom this morning," Deeks shares, teasing her a bit.

"This idiot wouldn't get out of bed," she complains pointing at him accusatorily.

"I don't get out of bed for anything less than a 6. You know that."

"It was a 5.9!" she exclaims as she throws up her hands exasperated.

"Native Californian," he says, pointing to himself, "I am attuned to the tenth of a point difference."

Kensi emits a low growl and Callen laughs.

* * *

A few weeks later Deeks arrives home from the liquor and grocery stores where he was buying supplies for their party. The moment he steps into the house his senses are assaulted by a pleasant smell. It's a smell that immediately brings to mind the Justin and Melissa op. Intrigued he quickly searches out Kensi in the kitchen. He finds her adding Hershey Kisses to the top of peanut butter cookies. He figures she chose these particular cookies because their party is on Halloween and these look like witch hats.

"Are these from scratch?" Deeks asks noticing the flour, sugar, and eggs out and no cookie dough package in sight.

"Yup," she replies.

"But you don't bake," he comments perplexed.

"Actually, I do…I just haven't in a long time."

Deeks waits to see if she is going to expand on this.

"I was making my dad chocolate chip cookies to apologize for sneaking out when they showed up at my door to tell me about him." She busies herself rolling balls of cookie dough in sugar and placing them on a cookie sheet. She wants to share this with Deeks, but it's still hard to talk about. "I didn't bake for a long time after that. Then when I met Jack…" she trails off, then jumps ahead in the story a bit, "I had made a lot of sweets for us that Christmas Eve. In the morning he was gone and I was left once again with a kitchen full of baked goods and no one to share them with."

Her eyes are a little misty and Deeks walks to her and wraps his arms around her from behind. "Your strength amazes me," he says a bit taken aback by this revelation. He places a kiss on her cheek.

"You don't know how many times I've bought the ingredients and thrown away everything but the chocolate chips or the kisses." He knows her well enough to know she would never throw away chocolate. That she had eaten. "Promise me you're not going anywhere," she adds with a tremor in her voice. She isn't as strong as he thinks. She's terrified, but she knows it's time to get over the fear and finally do this everyday activity that she actually enjoys doing. Deep down she knows the association between baking and loved ones leaving her is silly, but fears aren't always rational.

"May I?" he asks reaching for a cookie knowing from experience that he better ask first or else suffer the consequences. His other arm stays around her waist as she continues to work.

"Sure"

"Ummmm," he groans with pleasure, "definitely not going anywhere," he assures her. "Might want to marry you now," he teases, but there is a serious undertone to the statement.

"Because of my baking skills?" she inquires turning her head to look back at him with a smirk and raised eyebrows, trying to keep things light, but also pushing to see where this conversation goes.

"Well it's not because of your cleaning skills," he continues with the teasing as he turns her toward him and plants a chocolaty, peanut buttery kiss on her lips. "I want to marry you because I love you," he tells her with complete, open honesty. "This," he adds grabbing another cookie, "is just a surprise bonus."

"So are we talking about this for real?" she questions sliding her arms over his shoulders and clasping her hands behind his neck. They've talked about marriage before, but usually in a vague or joking manner. His sincerity a moment ago has set off a flurry of excited and nervous butterflies in her tummy.

"I'd like to," he replies looking into her eyes. "Are you ready to talk about it?"

"I love you, you are my best friend, and you are the best thing in my life. We are living together and I very much want to continue sharing my life with you. I think we are getting better at communicating our feelings, but it couldn't hurt having a little more practice before committing to do it for life. I'm ready to talk about it. I'm not sure I'm actually ready to take that next step yet. We have a really good thing going here." She puts a little extra emphasis on the word 'thing' causing them to smile at each other.

She wants to marry him more than she's ever wanted anything in her life, but that's also why it scares her. She's been engaged before and she can't go through that kind of heartbreak again. She's thrilled that marriage is what he wants too, and beyond excited that they are talking about it. She just isn't quite ready to take that next step yet. So far they are making their relationship and partnership work, but she's not sure that can last forever. It still feels like a day to day thing. She also feels like they are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. She wants to make sure they can make it through the ups and downs when they aren't feeling so overly lovey dovey toward each other.

Deeks is impressed with her expression of feelings for him and can't help but push, "I think we're ready." Now that he knows what he wants, he's ready to jump in and do it full-on.

"Remember that promise you made me?" Kensi prompts softly. She places a light kiss on his lips.

"Patience" he utters equally soft.

"I'll get there I promise. This is what I want," she assures him.

"What's this?" he challenges in both seriousness and jest.

Fire flashes in Kensi's eyes.

"Marriage," she says confidently accepting his challenge. "I want to marry you," she expands just to prove to him she can do it.

"Yeah you do!" He exudes confidence and joy at hearing these words from her.

"In time," she reminds him to bring him down a notch.

"You just let me know when you're ready Sugarbear."

* * *

"Deeks, come here!" Kensi requests yelling into the house from outside the next day.

Deeks comes out and stops short.

"Whoa, what the hell!" he exclaims as he follows Kensi's sightline to the biggest anthill he's ever seen. "That is disgusting!" he adds watching the thousands of ants scurrying along their sidewalk.

"I know. Do something," she demands.

"Eeee," Deeks does a dance to shake off the creepy crawlies he suddenly feels. "I'm not getting near that. You do something."

"We have people coming over tomorrow. They are not going to be greeted by this. Be a man and kill the bugs."

"Oh sure, now you want to do the traditional gender role thing," Deeks complains.

"I was just taking out the garbage," she retorts emitting a short laugh. "Common, I'm literally going to throw up here." When that doesn't seem to persuade him she tries, "There were ants all over the cave in Afghanistan."

"Really? You're going to play the Afghanistan card?" Even though he's pretty sure she is just trying to get out of cleaning up their ant problem, there is no way he's going to make her do it now. "You better hold my hand the next time I have to go to the dentist," he grumbles as he walks away to get the can of bug killer to spray around their house.

* * *

"Hold it young lady. You're not 21," Deeks reprimands swiping a wine cooler from Astrid at the party they are throwing at their house.

"Young lady? really?" Astrid mocks. "You know I drink at school right?"

"Officer of the law here, not listening," Deeks says putting his fingers in his ears being overly dramatic.

"You are so uncool," Astrid scoffs. "Isn't there some kind of law that you can drink when your parents are present? You and Kensi are like worse than parents. You even made me go to Disneyland with you last summer."

"One day you and Kensi will admit you at least had fun when you broke the Toy Story Ride with your ridiculously high scores."

"It wasn't a horrible way to spend the day," she admits.

"See, that's what Kensi says too. You'll both come around. Promise me one thing and you can have this back," Deeks offers. He'd seen her take her first sip and he's pretty sure it was her first sip of alcohol ever. If she's curious he'd rather have her try it here than with all the other idiots out in the world.

"What?"

"Wait the one more year before drinking outside this house. Or if you do drink at least make sure you don't drive or get in a car with someone who's been drinking. Kensi or I will always come and get you. Speaking of which, if I give this back to you, you are staying here tonight in the spare room."

"Okay," Astrid agrees.

Deeks hands the wine cooler back and holds up his beer. "Cheers to your first drink," he toasts and clinks his bottle to hers.

She realizes that he knows she was lying about drinking at school and that he's trying to make this a moment for her. "I take back what I said. You are pretty cool."

"Common," Deeks wraps an arm around her shoulders in a big brotherly way and guides her outside to the bonfire. "Nothing goes better with beer and wine coolers than toasted marshmallows."

Instead of feeling uncomfortable, Astrid feels extremely cared for. "Deeks," she begins.

"Yeah?" he prompts when he senses her hesitation.

"Thanks for inviting me. I also take back what I said about you guys being worse than parents. You're better than parents. You're going to be great parents. Can I still hang out once you guys have a kid?"

This is the most Deeks has ever heard Astrid talk at one time. She's a bit like Kensi in that way. He's beginning to wonder if he finally has the female species figured out.

"Of course you can still hang out. We will always be here for you," Deeks promises.

Kensi watches Deeks and Astrid make their way over to the bonfire as she approaches a table with her mom, Grandma Blye, and Granger.

"Does anyone need anything?" she asks.

Everyone declines her offer.

"It's a wonderful party," her mother compliments.

"Sit down a moment," Grandma Blye insists taking Kensi's hand. Kensi takes the chair next to her grandma. Her grandmother leans in and whispers to Kensi because she knows a big declaration will embarrass her, "I am so proud of you. The house is beautiful. I know you can't talk about your job, but I assume you followed in your father's footsteps and do something that is for the good of this country. Most of all I am proud that you are a strong, loving woman. I am proud of your relationship with Deeks, and the way you challenge each other, make each other better people, and take care of each other. I know us Blye women can take care of ourselves, but it makes me happy that you are letting someone take care of you again. It's been too long Kensi since someone has taken care of you."

"Thanks Gran," Kensi whispers kissing her cheek. "To tell you the truth, I'm pretty proud of me too."

"Your dad would be happy for you and proud of you too," her grandmother tells her squeezing her hand.

"That means a lot," Kensi replies earnestly. She fights back the emotions threatening to well up. She doesn't want to be sad tonight. She wants to take in all the love and laughter that is going on around her and live in the moment. Thinking of love makes her want to be with her love, so she excuses herself to check in with Deeks.

Kensi walks up behind Deeks and wraps an arm around his waist. He switches his beer to his other hand and wraps an arm around her shoulders. She nods toward Astrid who is performing experiments using fire and marshmallows with Nell and Eric.

"First drink," Deeks explains. "She's staying here tonight."

Kensi gives a nod of approval to the explanation then asks, "Are you having fun?"

"I'm feeling very content," he replies leaning in for a brief kiss. At first she thinks it's an odd reply, but then she realizes that being content for Deeks is better than having fun. She feels how relaxed and content his body is as she leans against him and she had seen the happiness and peace in his eyes right before he kissed her.

"Me too," she says softly after the kiss. She realizes that she's had fun and enjoyable times in the last few years, but it's only been since she and Deeks started figuring out their 'thing' that she has been truly content.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. I think there will be about two more chapters to this story. My writing may be a little slow as I am a teacher and headed back to work. Reviews are always welcome :)


	11. Fears Revisited

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 11: **Fears Revisited

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content (As most new couples, and as in many of the chapters before this, Deeks and Kensi might get a little frisky, but nothing too graphic)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters.

**Summary: **This is a story about the fears and issues Kensi and Deeks have to work through to be together. This chapter begins about a week and a half after chapter 10.

* * *

**Fears Revisited**

Kensi attempts to maneuver a very large pan of peas and carrots out of the oven. She and Deeks have spent the past three days painting rooms and building furniture at a homeless shelter she stayed at when she was on the streets. They decided to cap off their week by volunteering at the soup kitchen Deeks has been volunteering at since he first started with LAPD. Kensi pictures peas rolling all over the floor if she attempts to remove the pan herself, not because the pan is too heavy, but because of its awkward size.

"Marty, will you help me with this?" she requests.

"Marty?" he questions as he turns toward her slipping on oven mitts. His raised eyebrows emphasize his curiosity in her using his first name.

"Everyone here calls you Marty. I thought I'd try it out," she explains as they carry the pan out to the serving line. "Plus if I'm going to be your wife it might be a little weird if I don't use your first name at least some of the time."

"You can call me Marty if you want to, but I don't think it's weird if you stick with Deeks. It's what most people call me, and what you've always called me. Plus we have our favorite TV couples as evidence. Booth and Brennan and married and they still call each other Booth and Bones. Beckett still calls Castle by his last name and he sometimes uses hers."

"Really? You're going with TV shows to make your case?" Kensi challenges playfully as they begin serving food again.

"Want me to use football? Because I have one word for you…Lombardi," he adds a dramatic pause before dropping the football legend's name.

"How is it that you can bring football into almost any conversation we have in the fall?" She asks the rhetorical question with a smile; then changes the subject back to her using his first name. "Anyway I didn't say I would never call you Deeks again. I was just trying Marty out." She's a bit self-conscious about it now.

"And?" he wonders how she feels using his first name.

"I don't know yet. It's different, but if you don't want me to I won't," she offers.

Now he can tell she's self-conscious about the whole thing. "No, it's all good. I was just surprised."

"Was Deeks your mom's last name? I know it's not your dad's…" Kensi trails off nervously since she knows Deeks doesn't like to talk about his childhood.

"Can we save that story for another day?" he requests softly. She notes the sadness in his eyes and as she moves behind him to grab more butter she rests a hand on his back in silent support and understanding.

Later that night Kensi comes up behind Deeks where he is washing some of the large serving pans at the sink. Her arms wrap around him and her lips press against his shoulder.

"You good?" she checks in as she moves next to him to dry. "I didn't mean to bring anything up with the name thing."

"I'm better than good," he assures her. "Though I have been wondering, this wasn't you telling me you're ready is it? I mean you're trying out my first name and saying things like if I'm going to be your wife."

"It's been like a week Deeks! No, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."

"Ok, because I don't want to miss when you're ready, so can you make sure you spell it out for me. I am a man after all."

"Maybe I'll ask you," she teases. When she gets an unhappy look in response to that remark, she says shrugging off the idea, "or not." She's looking forward to him asking her anyway. "I'll let you know in a way that there will be no doubt in your mind," she promises.

"How are you feeling?" he asks referring to some of the emotions she's been sharing with him lately.

"Better…useful…tired…excited to be going on vacation with you tomorrow."

"Hawaii here we come!" The image of Kensi in a bikini puts him in an even better mood.

"Sandy insists we eat here before we go home and pack. Make you a plate?" she offers rubbing his back again as he rinses the sink.

"That'd be great," he replies drying his hands. Before she can turn to leave, he stops her and plants a kiss on her lips.

"You two make my heart happy!" Sandy exclaims clasping her hands together. Kensi and Deeks both turn toward her with sheepish smiles. "Just a little kiss…nothing to be ashamed of," she insists. "I just can't tell you how happy I am that Marty has finally found a girl he deserves and one that deserves him right back." She comes over and hugs each of them. "Now enough work you two. Go eat."

* * *

Deeks returns to their umbrella on the beach with lunch, a beer for himself, and some pineapple drink Kensi has fallen in love with over the past four days. He finds Kensi sound asleep on her lawn chair. He notices her cheeks are a bit flushed and he wonders if she's getting the cold he had last week, or if it's just the warm Hawaiian afternoon. He nibbles on lunch while she sleeps. She sleeps longer than he expects so he spends the afternoon alternating between reading, sleeping, and watching her sleep. He knows from talking to her mom that Kensi slept a lot during her first days home from Afghanistan, which helped her recover quickly physically, but he's not sure she gave herself time to recover emotionally. He hopes this week is helping her do that.

After an early dinner since Kensi missed lunch, she and Deeks are lying in a hammock watching the sun set.

"I needed this," she tells him, feeling completely serene with her head on his chest and his fingers gliding up and down her bare arm.

"Me too…wanna stay?"

"Mmmm I wish we could." She nuzzles closer to keep from getting a chill from the ocean breeze that is getting cool as the sun sets. "We still have two days left," she adds, reminding them both to live in the moment.

"We watched the sunrise," Deeks comments referring to a before dawn hike they took. "Now we watched it set. Want to go to bed?" he asks suggestively as he holds her tighter noticing her goose bumps from the quickly cooling air. He kisses her forehead and slides his hand from her arm down to caress her back.

"Let's stay another minute," she suggests as she uses his chest and grabs onto the netting of the hammock to push herself up so she can then lean down and place a kiss on his lips. "This is a perfect moment," she explains and kisses him again. This time the kiss lingers a bit as he captures her bottom lip and his hand tangles in her hair.

"Ok," he agrees to staying put, smiling to himself as she is now lying practically on top of him, which was his whole point in going to bed.

* * *

"Vegas baby!" Deeks exclaims as the team deplanes two weeks later.

"We're here to work," Kensi reminds him as Callen shoots him a warning look.

"I know, just trying to lighten the mood," Deeks defends. It's been a busy and trying month and it's only the second week of December. Stress levels within the group are high, even for Deeks and Kensi who just returned from a relaxing vacation a few weeks ago. Nerves are frayed and tempers are short.

Three hours later Deeks is deadly serious as he proclaims as he tries to push his way past Sam, "That was three cycles of missed check-ins. I'm going in."

"We knew they might need to go into areas where communication would be cut off. Give them one more minute," Sam insists as he blocks Deeks access to the door and shoves him back.

"These people we're bringing down are not small fish. If they've been caught they might not have a minute," Deeks argues angrily. "It's Kensi and Nell," he adds in a calmer tone, wringing his hands.

"Who are competent, stealthy agents," Callen reminds Deeks joining the conversation.

"We've got the package," Nells voice come over the comm. "Meet at rendezvous point B."

"Copy that," Callen replies as all three men break into tentative, relieved smiles. They will be fully relieved once they are able to verify that all the evidence is legit.

As they watch security footage and sift through the documents that Kensi and Nell stole, they know they'll have enough to arrest the bad guys and shut down their operation. Deeks nonchalantly rests a hand on Kensi's shoulder as he reaches across her to grab a file. She looks up at him and sees the turmoil in his eyes. She knows he's been trying to remain professional and not react emotionally. She gets up and walks to the bedroom of the hotel suite they are in. Deeks closes the door behind them.

"Come here," she says wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Three cycles," he sighs as she can literally feel the tension leave him as he holds her.

"I'm good," she reassures him.

"You could have been dead," he returns bluntly, "and I would have been too late."

"You followed protocol," she reminds him as her fingers make their way into his hair.

"Only because Sam and Callen were there, otherwise I'm not sure I would have. I'm not sure how long I can do this," he admits to the struggle he has to keep the work partnership purely professional.

"I know you can," she says confidently as she brings her lips to his.

"Hey you two, let's move," Callen interrupts as he knocks on the door.

"I can't believe we don't even get to see a show or put money in one slot machine," Deeks jokingly complains as they run to catch their plane.

"I'm really okay with getting out of here before these guys find out what we stole," Nell says reasonably.

"I'm also good with missing the point sometime later tonight when you two decide it's a good idea to get married in Vegas," Callen teases Kensi and Deeks.

Kensi doesn't even bother to deny it, but Deeks speaks up. "Julia would kill us."

Later that night Kensi is helping Nell log some evidence.

"Sam, can I uh, can I ask you something?" Deeks asks.

Sam looks up from his case report intrigued.

"How did you and Michelle do it when you were both working together and together together?" Deeks inquires.

After considering what to say for a moment Sam offers, "It's not easy and we were only on a task force together, so that ended eventually, but my worry about her being a field agent never went away."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Deeks laments knowing that even if they aren't partners the nagging worry will still be present. "I can't ask her to give up being an agent, but I also don't know how to handle the fear of losing her."

"Though I don't understand why, Kensi loves you," Sam can't resist a jab at Deeks. "She's going to do what it takes to make it work, just like you are," he adds.

"But will she resent me or us?" Deeks questions. "I don't think either of us is ready for a career change, but days like today make me wonder how long we can do this."

"If you're open and honest and make the decisions together there will be no resentment. You both are going about this the right way. You'll figure it out." Sam gives Deeks's shoulder a reassuring slap as he heads out to go see his wife and family.

* * *

The Hanna household bursts at the seams with people on Christmas Eve. Even though there are kids running everywhere, Christmas carols on the radio in one room, and a Christmas movie playing in another room Deeks finds the whole setting fun and in a weird way peaceful. Everyone is laughing and getting along. No one is worried about terrorist attacks or the next crisis. The biggest crisis tonight seems to be the burnt buns that were forgotten in the oven due to an intense game of Spoons. The lovely, yet ruthless, winner of that game is having an animated conversation with Eric on the couch. Deeks catches her eye and when she smiles at him he knows exactly why he feels so at peace in this house full of chaos.

"Michelle says dinner is served," he announces to the room. Deeks comes into the room so people can get past him into the kitchen. He waits for Kensi and Eric to finish up their conversation and join him in line for the dinner he's been anticipating all year. Last year's Christmas at the Hanna's was one of the bright moments in a long five months without Kensi.

Groups of guests eat around the kitchen table, dining room table, card tables, and on TV trays. Talking and laughter ring throughout the house. Kensi and Deeks grab a card table with Nell and Eric and make plans for a Chargers game they are attending that weekend. Much later that evening only the usual group of agents is left. Sam's kids have passed out on the floor while watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Deeks comes back in the room with a cup of coffee for himself and one for Kensi. She is in the big armchair with her feet on the ottoman. Deeks sits on the ottoman and leans back into arms that open to him and surround him. She places a kiss on the top of his head. He never imagined there could be a love like this.

The next evening Kensi is lying on the floor of their living room with Monty after a nice family dinner at her mom's. Deeks opens the grate to the fireplace and starts the gas to light it up.

"So one more Christmas movie?" he asks knowing Kensi loves them.

"Sure, how about It's a Wonderful Life," she suggest as he joins his family on the floor in front of the fire. He rests a hand on her hip and she turns away from Monty to him. They lose themselves in each other until Monty begins licking their faces. Kensi pulls away laughing as she says, "It really is a wonderful life." The past two days have been magical. It's the best Christmas she's had in so many years. She plans to have many more. The first step in doing that has to do with the birthday present she plans to give Deeks in a few weeks.

"Agreed," Deeks concurs as he pushes Monty's nose out of their faces and leans in to kiss Kensi again.

* * *

Thank you for reading! Thanks for waiting during this busy time at work for me. One more chapter to tie things up. Reviews always welcome!


	12. Epilouge

**Title: **Fears Resolved

**Chapter 12: **Epilogue

**Rating: **T for language and sexual content

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters.

**Summary: **It is time for the last chapter in a story about the fears and issues Kensi and Deeks had to work through to be together. This chapter begins about 2 weeks after chapter 11 ends. The inspiration for what's in the box came from an interview Renee Felice Smith did and what she said when she was asked what she thought was in the box.

* * *

**Epilogue**

"Whatcha doing out here so early?" Deeks asks shuffling into the kitchen after having been woken by a bacon scent laced with a hint of char.

"Making you breakfast for your birthday. Now go back to bed," Kensi orders. She doesn't look up from what she is doing for fear she will burn something else.

"Why?" Deeks questions her insistence he return to bed as he comes over and plants a kiss on her cheek.

"Because I like the tradition you started," she replies reminding him that he brought her breakfast in bed on her birthday.

He doesn't need to be told twice to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep, so he gives her one more kiss and returns to the bedroom.

As they are finishing breakfast a little while later, Kensi disappears from their bedroom for a moment and returns with a wrapped box.

"What's this?" Deeks asks as she passes it to him.

"Just open it," she replies mysteriously.

He knows from her tight smile and the mischievous gleam in her eyes that it's not any box, it's The Box.

"So we're really opening this?" he asks as he tears off the paper to reveal the plain brown box.

"It's your box," she replies flippantly, leaving it up to him.

He easily pops off the scotch tape and opens the flaps. Inside the box, he finds another box, but this time he knows what's inside the final box, or what's supposed to be in the final box. He inhales deeply, taking in the enormity of what this means. His eyes rise to meet hers. "So, you're ready?" he asks breaking into a nervous grin.

"I'm ready," she affirms smiling back.

"Is there a…?" he starts. "Do you want me to do it now?" he asks. He's wanted this for months, but having the moment thrust upon him has rattled him a bit.

Kensi opens the box to show him it is empty and that she's left the ring and the proposal up to him. The fact that he has time to prepare for this monumental moment in their lives eases his momentary fear.

"What do you want me to put in it?" he asks as his hand finds hers.

"You know what I like," she replies. They've been to enough jewelry stores together working cases that she's confident he'll pick out the perfect ring for her.

"I do," he agrees as he pulls her to him to kiss her.

* * *

He agonized for a week about where and how to propose. He's still not sure it's perfect, but he hopes she'll love it. Now he just needs to wait for Kensi and Nell to return from a conference in San Diego.

"Uggg," Kensi sighs reading a text message from Deeks. "Deeks is still at work. Can you drop me off at the mission?" she asks Nell.

"Sure," Nell replies using every ounce of willpower to act normal. She's in on the plan and it's been killing her spending the day with Kensi and knowing what's going to happen tonight.

"Deeks?" Kensi calls as she walks into the mission. She immediately feels that something is off. It's too quiet and too dark even for this time of night. He doesn't answer so she continues further in toward their desks with a hand on her weapon. Her mouth falls open as she discovers the mission bathed in candlelight. The second floor is lined with the luminaries. They also cover the desks, the steps to Hetty's office, and form a heart on the floor where Deeks is waiting for her wearing a suit; the suit he was wearing when he sent her the selfie in Afghanistan. Suddenly she is glad she dressed up for the conference today. She is surprised that tears are already forming as Deeks reaches for her hand to help her step over candles into the heart filled with rose petals.

"Hi Sunshine," he greets her as he hits a button on a remote control that starts playing "My Girl" by The Temptations, then slips the remote in his pocket.

"Hi," she can barely reply. His hands are ice cold and shaking, so she takes his other hand in hers too.

"There are so many things I want to say, but the most important is that I love you," Deeks begins.

"I love you too," she replies.

"I chose to do this here because this is where I first knew we had feelings for each other that went beyond partners or friends. This is where 'our thing' started. I thought about waiting until April, our five year anniversary as partners, to do this. I figured I would have some line about you being so special that I halved the 10 year partnership requirement for marriage, but I couldn't wait that long."

Kensi is really glad he didn't wait another three months. They've waited long enough to be together. She rubs her thumbs over the back of his hands as he continues. "We were partners first and then friends. As we built respect and then trust, our friendship grew into love. I know the love we share is going to last. First, because we are such great partners and friends, but also because there is this spark, 'our thing,' that has turned into this incredible, amazing love that I don't even have words for."

As he looks into her watery eyes, he gets down on one knee and lets go of one of her hands to retrieve a box from his pocket. "Kensi Marie Blye will you be my partner in life and do me the honor of marrying me?"

He opens the box and the tears that start running down her cheeks and her whispered, "yes" cause him to get emotional too. She pulls him into a hug as he stands.

"I love you," she shares before their lips meet.

"I love you," he returns the sentiment as his hand caresses her back. "Sorry I rambled. I had it all planned out in my head and I lost it as soon as I saw you."

"It was amazing," she assures him she has no problem with his rambling this time as she brings his lips to hers again.

"Do you want to put it on?" he asks bringing the ring between them.

Even as he slips the ring on her finger, she still can't believe this is happening for her, for them. With her job and her past, she didn't think marriage was in the cards for her. She certainly wasn't sure that she and Deeks would get their happy ending.

"It's beautiful! It's all beautiful!" she compliments taking in the intricacies of the ring and the lovely scene Deeks set as she wraps her arms around him again.

"You've never really talked about it…any ideas for what you want for the wedding?" Deeks asks as they sit on the couch enjoying the romantic ambiance. Her legs are across his lap and they are holding hands.

She takes a quiet moment to ponder that question before answering, "All I need is me and you." Before Deeks can comment about how sweet that is she adds, "And cake. We need an incredible, delicious cake."

"Sounds about right," Deeks says laughing as he caresses her thigh. "So, want to grab a drink to celebrate? Everyone is out, but I'd be good celebrating just the two of us too, so it's up to you."

"Let's go for one." Kensi is excited to share their exciting news, but doesn't want to make it too late of a night. She definitely plans on celebrating just the two of them when they get home. "Do they all know already?" she inquires.

Deeks nods.

"Eric and Nell I get." Kensi knows Eric helped with the set up and Nell's job was to get her to the mission no matter what. "But, why do Callen and Sam know?" she wonders.

Deeks looks away a little embarrassed.

"Were you afraid of what they'd do if you didn't give them a heads up?" she teases.

"They're like brothers," he mumbles not looking at her.

She brings her hand to his cheek and turns his face back toward her. "I love you so much," she tells him giggling. She is bubbling with the feelings of all encompassing love, happiness and excitement brought on by this night.

"They are the only 4 people who know. I figured you would want to tell your mom and grandma."

"You figured right," says softly as she guides him closer for a kiss.

"And I wasn't telling Hetty by myself," he teases resting his forehead against hers.

"Ok," she agrees to doing that together with a smile figuring Hetty probably knows anyway. She gives him one more soft kiss before maneuvering to get up. "Let's go celebrate with the family," she encourages tugging him off the couch.

The group at the bar knows from the wide grins on Kensi and Deeks's faces that she said yes. Not that they had any doubts about what her answer would be. As she flashes the ring, Nell squeals with excitement and gets up to hug her.

Michelle lets out a shout as she slips off her stool next to Sam to congratulate the happy couple. Once the initial excitement dies down a bit and they start asking about the details of the proposal, Michelle realizes that the others already knew Deeks was proposing. She slaps Sam on the shoulder and demands, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"If I would have told you, you would have been disappointed that you didn't find out from Kensi and Deeks," Sam responds. "You know it's true," he coaxes as he wraps an arm around her.

Callen goes off to buy a round of drinks as the women start sketching cakes and dresses on napkins and the guys start talking bachelor party.

* * *

They are married on Monday, April 6th, the 5th anniversary of the day they met. The wedding takes place on the beach and is officiated by a justice of the peace. The bride walks halfway down the beach to the spot of the ceremony on her own, but then the groom comes and meets her halfway to symbolize a marriage where they will meet in the middle and take on all things in life together. Kensi wears a simple yet elegant ivory, satin dress with a short train and embellishment at the waist. Deeks wears a grey suit. Family and friends stand for the short sunset ceremony. After an epic party the following Saturday they venture on a two week honeymoon that begins in Italy and has stops in Spain and Portugal. Before they come home Deeks makes Kensi promise they can go to Norway for their 1st anniversary.

* * *

_4 months later_

"Shit, how did they find out?" Deeks wonders aloud as he jumps out of the car and starts to gear up to get Kensi out of an undercover op.

"They played us," Sam is equally flabbergasted and angry.

"She hasn't said the distress word yet," Callen reminds them to keep cool heads.

"Who are you?" they hear over the comm before a resounding smack.

"You know who I am," Kensi says strongly though on the inside she is panicking.

"Is she trying Jedi mind tricks?" Sam asks Deeks trying to ease everyone's nerves.

"I taught her that," Deeks gives a weak, proud smile trying not to let the gnawing worry eat away at his stomach.

"Just because your asshole of a boss is a chickenshit who wants to abort a mission just because he has a hunch the cops are onto him doesn't mean that you have to think the sun shines from his ass and do everything he says. You know I'm legit. Let's finish this," Kensi tries to keep the lower level guys in the organization on her side. She knows they respect her skills and also think she's hot.

"Hold her," the boss instructs his minions as he comes over and punches Kensi hard in the stomach for her disrespect. She's glad she said the distress word. These guys are scared and people do stupid, dangerous things when they are scared.

"She said the distress word. Let's go," Deeks demands breaking into a run.

After landing a few punches the boss gets close and searches Kensi. He finds her comm..

"So you do work for the police don't you, you little slut?" He puts his hand on her thigh as he presses against her. "I bet you have a cop boyfriend. We'll see if he wants to touch you again," he threatens as he brings his hand further up her leg.

Kensi is trying to block out what is happening and for some reason her thoughts go to the fact that she wore nylons today and she almost didn't. She certainly is glad she did now. Gunshots ring out in the distance and Kensi gets the opportunity to bring her knee up and catch her attacker in the crotch.

"Incapacitate her!" he howls.

As her airway is compressed and the world is about to turn black, Kensi's second last thought is that she wants to have children with her husband and she wants to see them grow up. Her final thought is that Deeks is coming.

Callen races through the warehouse with Deeks and Sam close behind. He sees a light coming from an office and charges full-on at the door sending it crashing in. The boss pulls Kensi off the floor using her as a shield.

"Drop your weapons!" Callen demands.

"You shoot, she dies," the boss warns.

Deeks notices Kensi's fingers moving and realizes she's not unconscious. She's even trying to communicate to him that they should go on her count. She peers out from under her eyelids and he gives her the slightest nod. She sticks out one finger, then a second, and a third before she brings her head back hard to connect with her captor's chin causing him to let her go. She dives to the floor as Callen, Sam and Deeks each take out a bad guy.

Deeks is next to her as she pushes herself to a sitting position.

"You okay?" he asks placing a hand on her shoulder.

She leans into him, a telltale sign that she is not okay.

"He touched me," Kensi whispers. She closes her eyes as a wave of nausea hits. She's not quite sure if the nausea is caused by the thought of him touching her, or the fact that she was without air long enough to pass out.

"I heard," he says matter-of-factly, referring to what he heard over the comm link. "I'm not sorry I killed the bastard," he adds as he rubs her back.

"It could have been much worse," she reasons out loud. Her body isn't listening to reason and she is shaking uncontrollably. She's feeling weak and vulnerable and she doesn't like it.

"It was still a violation," Deeks gives validation to her feelings as he wraps his arms protectively around her. He wishes he had a sweatshirt or a blanket, but it's the middle of summer in L. A. so he has neither to wrap her in.

After a minute in her husband's arms, Kensi gets to her feet. She is a bit dizzy and stumbles through the doorway. Deeks is right behind her and before she knows what's happening she has been swept off her feet and into his arms.

"What are you doing?" she demands.

"Taking you to the ambulance that's waiting,"

"No," she insists pushing against his chest. "Put me down!"

"Sorry Sugarbear," he apologizes planning to stand his ground since she is obviously not physically okay.

"Marty," she pleads. The way she says his name melts his resolve. He can see she is struggling to keep her emotions in check, and him not letting her be in control is going to make her lose it.

"Okay," he relents as he gently returns her to her feet, but keeps an arm around her. "Promise me you'll take it easy though."

She nods. When they return to the mission she makes good on her promise and plants herself on the couch as they figure out where to take the case from here.

After assignments are doled out, Deeks comes back to the bullpen with a box of case files. Kensi starts to get off the couch to help him sort through them.

"Ah you promised," he reminds her before she can even stand.

"Then bring them over here," she requests.

"Can't you just rest and watch a Telenovela or something?" Deeks asks exasperated by her stubbornness. He knows when she is on her deathbed and misses work she watches them to keep up her language skills. He also knows she secretly loves the steamy drama.

"I may have plenty of time to watch them in the future," she says as she makes room for him on the couch. He gives her a questioning look regarding her last comment. "Before I blacked out, one of my last thoughts was I want to have children with you and I want to watch them grow up. I'm not saying I want to stop being an agent tomorrow, but Hetty was right, I do want more," she explains.

"Wow!" Deeks exhales taking in what she is saying. The idea of having children excites and terrifies him at the same time. They have joked about having kids since almost before they had a 'thing.' And they've talked about it during their relationship in a maybe someday kind of way, but now that she is bringing it up for real; it is a little mindboggling. He is also speechless because he has a hard time picturing Kensi being anything other than an agent. His gut is telling him to be cautious about what he says because she might feel differently once she has a little space from today.

"What are you thinking?" Kensi asks to be let in on his thought process about this. She's a little nervous that all she got was a 'wow!'

"I think there's a lot to consider, so I feel like we should take our time. If you want more, I am onboard with that."

"So, you're still open to having kids?" Kensi clarifies.

"Definitely," he replies resting a hand on her thigh. "I'll be honest; now that we're talking about this for real I'm a little freaked out about being a dad. I didn't exactly have the best example."

Kensi leans over, places a hand on his arm, and kisses his cheek. "You're going to be a great dad, but we can take some time to figure this all out first. Like I said, I wasn't planning on turning my resignation in tomorrow," she assures him.

"I want to give you everything." Deeks wants her to know how much he wants this even if it scares him. He places a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I know you do." She caresses his cheek tenderly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Deeks, last time I checked this is not your home." Hetty's scolding causes them to jump apart.

"Sorry," Kensi apologizes.

"Sorry Hetty," Deeks adds one of his own.

"This case isn't going anywhere. Why don't you two go on home and get some rest. It sounds as if you may have some important matters to discuss."

"We're just starting to…" Kensi starts to explain.

"We're only thinking…" Deeks begins at the same time.

"Ah ah," Hetty says holding up a hand to stop them from going on. "You only need to tell me if there is something that is going to affect this case. Otherwise, goodnight," she dismisses them.

"Goodnight," they both reply as Deeks helps Kensi off the couch.

* * *

_5 months later_

Kensi is sleepless for a third night in a row. She looks over at her husband. His nose is twitching so she knows he is content. As a matter of fact, so is she. They just celebrated their first Christmas as husband and wife and she couldn't be happier being married to her best friend. Also, work has been relatively quiet for the last few weeks, so that's not what's keeping her up either. The only thing on her mind is what she and Deeks may or may not have done about a month ago. She rests her hand over her stomach for the thousandth time in the last week wondering if it could really be. She bought the test today, but thought maybe she'd wait a few more days to take it and to tell Deeks about her suspicions. His birthday is only a few days away, but as she turns over she decides waiting is a stupid idea. She's going to go crazy not knowing, and it might not be a nice birthday for Deeks if she waits until then to spring this on him. She slips out of bed and makes her way to the bathroom to use the pregnancy test.

The test confirms what she already knew deep down. Now that she knows for sure, amazement and excitement fill her. She floats back into the bedroom and kisses her husband awake saying his name softly in between kisses.

"Hmmm?" he asks sleepily. He wraps his arms around her holding her close.

"Early birthday present for you," she whispers in his ear. This statement quickly brings him out of his slumber.

"Oh really?" he teases suggestively tickling her.

"Not that!" she laughs and kisses him on the chin. "I have a box for you," she tells him as she brings it into view.

He sits up, and it takes him a minute to process what she places in his hands. "Whoa!" he breathes. "You think?"

"I know," she confirms placing her hands over his.

"What? How? When?" The detective in him comes out as he tries to make sense of how this happened.

"Remember about a month ago we worked that case where we barely slept for the three days we were hunting down that terrorist cell? You came home to get us fresh clothes, but I forgot to tell you to grab my birth control. Then, when it was over…"

"We had 'thank god we have each other in this crazy world' sex," Deeks finishes her sentence as a smile forms at the memory and the realization of what that memory created.

"Are you good?" she asks.

"God yes!" he exclaims as he brings his hands up to frame her face and leans in to place a kiss on her lips. "We made a baby ninja assassin," he whispers moving his hands to her sides as his eyes well up.

"I know," she mirrors his awe and excitement. "It's just we didn't plan for this to happen now."

"Technically we did. If I remember correctly, there was a conversation about missed birth control and we each said something like we're married and it probably won't happen anyway."

"Not our most responsible moment," Kensi comments shaking her head.

"You good?" Deeks asks. She seems excited, but a bit tense at the same time.

"Yes, I'll probably completely freak out in a couple days when it fully sets in that we're bringing a life into this crazy world that we are completely responsible for even though we still are trying to figure out our own way in it. Right now though I am completely amazed by the fact that our love created something so miraculous," she confides as her hands cover her stomach protectively. "I am so in love with you," she adds as she leans in to share a kiss.

"So you're really trying to make up for that forgotten birthday huh?" Deeks teases caressing her cheek before kissing her again.

"Um hum," she agrees climbing on top of him as she gently pushes him back in the bed.

Deeks rolls them over so she is on her back. "I love you," he declares placing a kiss on her lips. He moves down her body and after placing a kiss on her stomach he adds, "and I love you."

Their passion and love for each other have never had more fervor, but Kensi doesn't miss that Deeks has never been gentler when making love with her.

* * *

_A little over three years later_

Kensi lets go of her very independent two and a half year old's hand so the little girl can run to her daddy. Even though he has a few bumps and bruises, he lets his little girl run at him full force. He scoops her up and holds her tight kissing her blond curls. Deeks shifts Michaela to one arm and holds out his other for Kensi who is holding their infant daughter Kylie. As her husband pulls her close, she lets out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding for the past 23 days. While she was mildly worried the whole time he was undercover, it was really just the last 4 days that had left her without the ability to breathe. The moment Nell told her they'd lost contact with him was one of the worst moments of her life.

He kisses Kensi's hair and inhales her scent. God he missed them. While the undercover work had it's moments of danger and reward, he missed his wife and girls terribly. The thought of not being able to come back to them had scared him enough to consider making this his last undercover op. His wet t-shirt due to the tears of a wife who he's pretty sure hasn't cried since the birth of their second daughter, and the little girl's fist hitting his shoulder as she commands, "No go daddy! No go," are more than enough reason for him to declare, "I'm done."

"Good, because I can't do that again," Kensi admits. Deeks dries her tears then leaves his hand on her cheek as he kisses her.

His shoulder is still taking a beating from Michaela who doesn't understand that daddy isn't leaving again. As Deeks pulls back from the kiss, he gives Kensi a 'this child is all you' look.

Kensi takes hold of the little fist. "We don't hit daddy. Use your words."

"I sorry daddy. I miss you. You come home," Michaela says as her little arms squeeze around Deeks's neck.

"I missed you too baby girl. I'm coming home," he assures her.

"Kylie miss you," Michaela informs her daddy as she looks down at her little sister in her mommy's arms.

Deeks turns to the sleeping infant in Kensi's arms. He bends down to give her a kiss on the forehead.

"Her hair is coming in darker," he comments letting go of Kensi for a minute to touch the baby's soft skin on her chubby arm. The baby had just lost the little bit of light hair she had right before he went undercover. He's excited that she is looking more and more like Kensi.

That night Deeks helps as much as he can with the nightly routines. He missed this part of the day the most. He feeds Kylie rice cereal, which apparently she eats now. It makes him sick that he missed the first time. He bathes Michaela, puts on her pajamas, and reads to her and rubs her back until she falls asleep. He changes Kylie's diaper before handing her over to Kensi to nurse.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but you don't have to do everything," Kensi says sweetly as she cuddles the infant to her. She knows he must be exhausted and in at least some pain.

"I want to." He gives the reply Kensi was expecting as he helps adjust a pillow under Kylie to make it more comfortable for her to nurse. He sits on the floor next to the rocker and rests his head against her leg not ready to be away from them yet, even in the next room. Once the baby has latched onto her breast, she runs the fingers of her free hand through Deeks's hair.

Kylie falls asleep while nursing like she does most nights. After waiting a few minutes to make sure she is in a sound sleep Kensi whispers her husband's name. Deeks pushes himself to his knees. "Watch her nose," she says quietly with a smile. Sure enough, her little nose is twitching. They exchange a loving look before turning their attention back to their baby. Deeks kisses her head as Kensi gets up to put her in her crib. While Kensi puts their daughter down for the night, Deeks climbs into the rocking chair. The past 23 days finally catching up with him, he closes his eyes.

"My turn," Kensi says softly as she slides onto his lap. Her head finds its spot on his shoulder as his arms automatically come around her.

"You okay?" Deeks asks. He'd already told her about his whole experience, but they haven't had time to talk about what the last three and a half weeks were like for her.

"Four days," is all she replies as her fingers play with the collar of his t-shirt.

"I know. I'm sorry. That's why I'm done," he reassures her as his hand sneaks under the hem of her t-shirt. She knew she was done with field work the moment she heard Michaela's heartbeat. She is still at The Office of Special Projects in a kind of auxiliary position. She does some forensics and crime scene work. She'll interrogate suspects and question witnesses when needed. She also teaches some of the beginner agent courses.

"What do you want to do?" she asks.

"I don't know. I could go back into law. I could go full time at LAPD, but no undercover work. I could become a full fledged agent and transfer out of special projects. Lots of options "

"Um hum," she agrees sleepily.

"Have you been sleeping on the couch?" he inquires remembering the pillow and blanket he saw there earlier. He is partly concerned and partly amused.

He knows he's right when she doesn't reply.

"Common, let's go to bed or we're going to be sleeping here." He gives her butt a light tap as encouragement to get up. "Hey we could write a bestselling relationship book and both retire. We could title it _From the Couch to the Rocking Chair."_

"Who's going to read it?" she asks laughing as they make their way down the hall to their bedroom.

"People more screwed up than us," he replies.

"I think we're doing pretty well," she comments turning back toward him resting her hands on his chest. She tilts her head up so their eyes meet.

"Me too," he agrees as his lips descend on hers.

* * *

Thank you to everyone that has read, followed, favorited, and reviewed this story. I have had so much fun writing it.


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